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The Distance Between Us
Traces the author's experiences as an illegal child immigrant, describing her father's violent alcoholism, her efforts to obtain a higher education, and the inspiration of Latina authors.
325 pages, Hardcover
First published August 28, 2012
About the author
Reyna Grande
16 books937 followersReyna Grande is the author of three novels, Across a Hundred Mountains, which received a 2007 American Book Award; Dancing with Butterflies, which received a 2010 International Latino Book Award, and A Ballad of Love and Glory, which was a Los Angeles Times Book Club selection in 2022. In her memoir, The Distance Between Us (Atria, 2012) Reyna recounts her experiences as a child left behind in Mexico when her parents emigrated to the U.S. in search of work, and her own journey to the U.S. as an undocumented immigrant at the age of nine. Its sequel, A Dream Called Home, was published in 2018. Her latest book is Somewhere We Are Human: Authentic Voices on Migration, Survival, and New Beginnings, an anthology by and about undocumented Americans.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,653 reviews
April 14, 2017
As a former ESL teacher, I could not have enjoyed this book more. The story of Reyna Grande is one of hardship, heartbreak, and triumph. I was struck by the power of her writing on the very first page.
If readers do not understand the internal and external conflict that children whose parents have left Mexico to find work or a better life in the United States suffer, after reading this memoir they will certainly gain insight into this all too common problem when this book is read.
My students used to love to tell me about La Llorona, the legendary weeping woman who continues to weep for her children. In "The Distance Between Us," Grande writes "there is something more powerful than La Llorona - a power that takes away parents not children. It is called the United States."
I was hooked on the story when I read that line. As I read, I was sometimes overwhelmed with emotion when I read how this dear child, she could have been one of my students, suffered so deeply both before and after her parents left for the United States to find a better life.
Reyna is an amazing story teller. She is also a woman who has accomplished much. Her story is one not to be missed.
If readers do not understand the internal and external conflict that children whose parents have left Mexico to find work or a better life in the United States suffer, after reading this memoir they will certainly gain insight into this all too common problem when this book is read.
My students used to love to tell me about La Llorona, the legendary weeping woman who continues to weep for her children. In "The Distance Between Us," Grande writes "there is something more powerful than La Llorona - a power that takes away parents not children. It is called the United States."
I was hooked on the story when I read that line. As I read, I was sometimes overwhelmed with emotion when I read how this dear child, she could have been one of my students, suffered so deeply both before and after her parents left for the United States to find a better life.
Reyna is an amazing story teller. She is also a woman who has accomplished much. Her story is one not to be missed.
June 22, 2017
This is a memoir based on the author's childhood. She was left behind with her two siblings first by her father, and then two years later by her mother. The children were left behind with their paternal grandmother who treated them badly, and despite getting money from their parents on a regular basis (remittances), she fed them poorly. Eventually the children go to live with their maternal grandmother who is extremely poor. But this grandmother is loving. The book tells the story of the author Reyna's longing to be reunited with her parents. When eventually the children are brought to the U.S., they live with their father and his second wife. Their father is an abusive drunk, and the children suffer greatly at his hands.
Despite the difficult themes, there is happiness in Reyna's life. She is a survivor. She comes through it all although in the end, she feels she has lost Mexico. This is a book for those who want to understand the impact of family separation and the plight of immigrant children including educators, and other service providers. It is not a difficult read and would be appropriate for teen readers as well.
Despite the difficult themes, there is happiness in Reyna's life. She is a survivor. She comes through it all although in the end, she feels she has lost Mexico. This is a book for those who want to understand the impact of family separation and the plight of immigrant children including educators, and other service providers. It is not a difficult read and would be appropriate for teen readers as well.
September 6, 2012
3.5 stars
Emigration from Mexico to the U.S. divides a lot of families. This is one woman's account of what it felt like to spend her early childhood in Mexico while her parents were on El Otro Lado (The Other Side). Reyna Grande and her siblings were shuffled among relatives who were not in a position to care for them and were often resentful at being saddled with these children. In the absence of a real mother, Reyna's older sister Mago had to become "the little mother" for Reyna and Carlos.
I'd never really thought about what it's like for kids left behind when their parents head to the U.S. to look for work. Reyna's story is heartbreaking as she describes her years of longing for Mami and Papi, wanting to believe their promises that never came true. While Reyna was prone to yearning and daydreaming, her sister Mago expressed her feelings of loss by finding victims for her rage.
When Reyna was ten years old, her Papi finally brought them over the border illegally, where the children faced a whole new set of challenges and disappointments. But Reyna persevered and became the first person in her family to graduate from college.
Out of sight may not mean out of mind, but it does mean out of priority when families are separated for too long. When they're finally reunited, the pieces never quite fit back together. The pain and feelings of unworthiness linger for the children of these families.
Review copy provided by the publisher.
Emigration from Mexico to the U.S. divides a lot of families. This is one woman's account of what it felt like to spend her early childhood in Mexico while her parents were on El Otro Lado (The Other Side). Reyna Grande and her siblings were shuffled among relatives who were not in a position to care for them and were often resentful at being saddled with these children. In the absence of a real mother, Reyna's older sister Mago had to become "the little mother" for Reyna and Carlos.
I'd never really thought about what it's like for kids left behind when their parents head to the U.S. to look for work. Reyna's story is heartbreaking as she describes her years of longing for Mami and Papi, wanting to believe their promises that never came true. While Reyna was prone to yearning and daydreaming, her sister Mago expressed her feelings of loss by finding victims for her rage.
When Reyna was ten years old, her Papi finally brought them over the border illegally, where the children faced a whole new set of challenges and disappointments. But Reyna persevered and became the first person in her family to graduate from college.
Out of sight may not mean out of mind, but it does mean out of priority when families are separated for too long. When they're finally reunited, the pieces never quite fit back together. The pain and feelings of unworthiness linger for the children of these families.
Review copy provided by the publisher.
August 25, 2020
La autora logra transmitir la dureza de vivir en un país muy pobre, separada de sus padres que fueron a Estados Unidos para encontrar trabajo y ellos se quedaron con su abuela, una mujer muy dura que apenas los cuidaba.
Su madre les abandonó por un hombre y su padre decidió llevarlos al Otro Lado, en Estados Unidos para que pudieran ir a la escuela y vivir algo mejor. Pero no fue nada fácil para Reyna y sus hermanos, su padre era muy duro con ellos, les pegaba porque a él le habían criado de esa forma y no entendía otra manera de educar...
Todo lo que transmite el libro es una infancia y adolescencia muy duras. Aún así Reyna encontró su camino gracias a una buena persona.
Te das cuenta de las dificultades que han pasado Reyna y su familia, así como otras familias de México. Que necesitan emigrar a Estados Unidos para tener una vida mejor.
Una historia profunda que nos muestra las dificultades de los inmigrantes y nos hace más humanos.
Su madre les abandonó por un hombre y su padre decidió llevarlos al Otro Lado, en Estados Unidos para que pudieran ir a la escuela y vivir algo mejor. Pero no fue nada fácil para Reyna y sus hermanos, su padre era muy duro con ellos, les pegaba porque a él le habían criado de esa forma y no entendía otra manera de educar...
Todo lo que transmite el libro es una infancia y adolescencia muy duras. Aún así Reyna encontró su camino gracias a una buena persona.
Te das cuenta de las dificultades que han pasado Reyna y su familia, así como otras familias de México. Que necesitan emigrar a Estados Unidos para tener una vida mejor.
Una historia profunda que nos muestra las dificultades de los inmigrantes y nos hace más humanos.
February 5, 2020
This is Reyna Grande’s true account of her childhood spent in Mexico and, eventually, the USA. Many of her experiences were horrific yet she went on to be the first in her family to graduate from college and is now an award winning novelist and inspirational speaker.
Grande captures the innocence and confusion of her childhood quite well. It was interesting and heartbreaking to learn about her experiences and the way she processed them. Her vividly detailed writing made it easy to imagine each scene from her life. She is an incredibly insightful woman whose story represents great tragedy and the will to overcome it all.
I think that Reyna was far more gracious with her own parents than many who have survived similarly could be. She wrote about them in an honest but compassionate way, teaching her readers to understand them, as she, herself, eventually learned to do.
This is so much more than a memoir about her impoverished life in Mexico, immigration into the US, and life with an abusive father and absent mother. It’s a book about longing for the parents you needed, accepting who they will never be, and recognizing that part of who you are, in overcoming those painful hardships, is because of the parents you did have. Grande’s tender heart, despite a troubling journey, makes this deeply moving memoir a beautiful, memorable read.
Grande captures the innocence and confusion of her childhood quite well. It was interesting and heartbreaking to learn about her experiences and the way she processed them. Her vividly detailed writing made it easy to imagine each scene from her life. She is an incredibly insightful woman whose story represents great tragedy and the will to overcome it all.
I think that Reyna was far more gracious with her own parents than many who have survived similarly could be. She wrote about them in an honest but compassionate way, teaching her readers to understand them, as she, herself, eventually learned to do.
This is so much more than a memoir about her impoverished life in Mexico, immigration into the US, and life with an abusive father and absent mother. It’s a book about longing for the parents you needed, accepting who they will never be, and recognizing that part of who you are, in overcoming those painful hardships, is because of the parents you did have. Grande’s tender heart, despite a troubling journey, makes this deeply moving memoir a beautiful, memorable read.
January 25, 2016
A moving, insightful, and interesting memoir about the author growing up in poverty in Mexico, separation from her parents, and coming to the USA illegally at age 10. Reyna becomes successful in spite of the many odds she faces. An inspirational novel of achieving the American Dream through sacrifice and work. Definitely recommend this book as it describe the experiences and feelings migrant families go through.
February 24, 2021
3/5
La distancia entre nosotros narra las experiencias de Reyna como niña que migra con su familia a Estados Unidos. Es una novela autobiográfica, y, aunque intuyo que ha maquillado un poco la realidad detrás de su historia, en ella no faltan ni las penurias, ni los mensajes de motivación.
En este libro acompañamos a una pequeña Reyna desde que es muy pequeña hasta casi la edad adulta. Y desde su vida en un pueblo pobre de México, hasta su adaptación en un país como Estados Unidos.
La novela indaga en muchos temas controvertidos, como el abandono de los padres y la falta de responsabilidad de los mismos, que llegan a desentenderse de sus hijos como excusa de que se van en búsqueda de un futuro mejor para su familia. Aunque nunca vuelvan a México a buscar a dicha familia. También de la violencia, no sólo física, sino emocional y psicológica que estas familias, rotas por numerosos motivos, inculcan a los niños desde bien pequeños. De la precariedad de su forma de vida en su país de origen, pero también de precariedad en un país al que llegan de forma ilegal y del cual no conocen el idioma, no tienen formación o por temas de exclusión social (barrios apartados, dificultades de adaptación, sentimiento de inferioridad...).
En general, la novela me ha gustado bastante, especialmente la voz de Reyna. Ésta es una narradora en primera persona, que va relatando los acontecimientos con un tinte inocente, especialmente al principio, al no comprender del todo qué sucede a su alrededor, a pesar de sus esfuerzos. Es una voz que va ganando fuerza y confianza en sí misma, ya que se aferra en todo momento a las promesas vacías que sus padres le hicieron de pequeña. Promesas, por cierto, a las que ella da forma y moldea, más por mérito propio. Es una voz de desasosiego y esperanza a la vez, de esfuerzo, esperanza e ilusión.
Ha sido un viaje interesante esta novela. Si bien, y lamentablemente no he podido conectar del todo con la historia, me ha parecido una lectura dotada de una gran sensibilidad. Es un libro importante por los temas que trata y el público juvenil al que va dirigido, así que no dudéis en darle una oportunidad.
La distancia entre nosotros narra las experiencias de Reyna como niña que migra con su familia a Estados Unidos. Es una novela autobiográfica, y, aunque intuyo que ha maquillado un poco la realidad detrás de su historia, en ella no faltan ni las penurias, ni los mensajes de motivación.
En este libro acompañamos a una pequeña Reyna desde que es muy pequeña hasta casi la edad adulta. Y desde su vida en un pueblo pobre de México, hasta su adaptación en un país como Estados Unidos.
La novela indaga en muchos temas controvertidos, como el abandono de los padres y la falta de responsabilidad de los mismos, que llegan a desentenderse de sus hijos como excusa de que se van en búsqueda de un futuro mejor para su familia. Aunque nunca vuelvan a México a buscar a dicha familia. También de la violencia, no sólo física, sino emocional y psicológica que estas familias, rotas por numerosos motivos, inculcan a los niños desde bien pequeños. De la precariedad de su forma de vida en su país de origen, pero también de precariedad en un país al que llegan de forma ilegal y del cual no conocen el idioma, no tienen formación o por temas de exclusión social (barrios apartados, dificultades de adaptación, sentimiento de inferioridad...).
En general, la novela me ha gustado bastante, especialmente la voz de Reyna. Ésta es una narradora en primera persona, que va relatando los acontecimientos con un tinte inocente, especialmente al principio, al no comprender del todo qué sucede a su alrededor, a pesar de sus esfuerzos. Es una voz que va ganando fuerza y confianza en sí misma, ya que se aferra en todo momento a las promesas vacías que sus padres le hicieron de pequeña. Promesas, por cierto, a las que ella da forma y moldea, más por mérito propio. Es una voz de desasosiego y esperanza a la vez, de esfuerzo, esperanza e ilusión.
Ha sido un viaje interesante esta novela. Si bien, y lamentablemente no he podido conectar del todo con la historia, me ha parecido una lectura dotada de una gran sensibilidad. Es un libro importante por los temas que trata y el público juvenil al que va dirigido, así que no dudéis en darle una oportunidad.
August 19, 2012
Award-winning novelist Reyna Grande's new memoir, "The Distance Between Us" is a book that has given me an eye-opening understanding of the plight of many immigrants from Mexico. Trapped in poverty in their native land, moving into the United States by any means is a way to better one's life and the lives of one's children. With the legal situation in the U.S., though, Mexican people who choose to move north must rely on "coyotes" to navigate the dangerous ground between nations in the dead of night, hidden in car trunks, hiding behind bolders and bushes in the desert, and often winding up dead. This situation can only be worse now than it was for Reyna when she made the crossing.
What I had not considered before, however, is the damage done to the family structure when economics force families to split up to earn enough to survive, and to reinvent themselves again and again in order to make a successful life in a new land. For a culture that values family ties as much as the Mexican people, this division is tragic. The very fabric that has defined a culture for centuries lies in tatters as people work for a better life. The barrier of language is huge, and I wish every person I have ever heard complain about Spanish being spoken in the U.S. could read this book. Crossing that language barrier is awfully hard for adults, less so for children, but a barrier nonetheless. I have only admiration for those who speak more than one language.
The courage required to make a journey like Reyna and her family is huge, and she has brought it to light with simple, lyrical prose. Her determination is truly admirable and this book will provide inspiration to every person coping with adversity to be overcome for success. One hopes too that, because of Reyna's story, every reader to look with a kinder eye to the Latino community in the United States.
What I had not considered before, however, is the damage done to the family structure when economics force families to split up to earn enough to survive, and to reinvent themselves again and again in order to make a successful life in a new land. For a culture that values family ties as much as the Mexican people, this division is tragic. The very fabric that has defined a culture for centuries lies in tatters as people work for a better life. The barrier of language is huge, and I wish every person I have ever heard complain about Spanish being spoken in the U.S. could read this book. Crossing that language barrier is awfully hard for adults, less so for children, but a barrier nonetheless. I have only admiration for those who speak more than one language.
The courage required to make a journey like Reyna and her family is huge, and she has brought it to light with simple, lyrical prose. Her determination is truly admirable and this book will provide inspiration to every person coping with adversity to be overcome for success. One hopes too that, because of Reyna's story, every reader to look with a kinder eye to the Latino community in the United States.
March 6, 2018
The Distance Between Us is a first-hand account of an undocumented immigrant’s journey from Mexico to the U.S. It describes the author’s life growing up in Mexico in two very different grandmothers’ homes and her eventual border crossing with her father and two siblings, followed by her life in America, “el otro lado.” Life wasn’t easy for Reyna in either country, but there was a stark contrast between the bamboo shack she lived in with her maternal grandmother and the comparatively spacious apartment her father and stepmother owned in California. When she goes back to Mexico for a visit after living on the other side of the border, she has a hard time believing she once lived there, that that was her daily reality. As an adult, she knows with frightening certainty how different her life would have been if she hadn’t come to the U.S.
This book doesn’t read like most memoirs—it’s very structured, for one, and fairly strict with chronology. The language is simple and straightforward, almost childlike. After reading an interview in which Grande explained that her goal was to tell the story through the eyes of the child she was, her chosen style made sense to me. Grande consciously chose not to impose her adult self into the narrative very often, which gives her impressions and reactions a very immediate feel as opposed to the distance created when memoirists analyze their experiences with the benefit of hindsight.
Favorite bits: I think what most impressed me was Grande’s determination. She has no time for negativity—she has too many things she wants to accomplish. I especially loved following her journey through school as she developed her writing. Even though she moved on to more highbrow literature later in life, it gave me a tickle that one of her favorite authors in high school was V.C. Andrews, as I also remember the eyebrow-raising thrill of discovering her books. And the time she spent with her paternal grandmother Evila (so perfectly named she could be a Disney villain!) was wrenching, but also…I couldn’t wait to see what she was going to pull next. The woman was creative in her cruelty.
More book recommendations by me at www.readingwithhippos.com
This book doesn’t read like most memoirs—it’s very structured, for one, and fairly strict with chronology. The language is simple and straightforward, almost childlike. After reading an interview in which Grande explained that her goal was to tell the story through the eyes of the child she was, her chosen style made sense to me. Grande consciously chose not to impose her adult self into the narrative very often, which gives her impressions and reactions a very immediate feel as opposed to the distance created when memoirists analyze their experiences with the benefit of hindsight.
Favorite bits: I think what most impressed me was Grande’s determination. She has no time for negativity—she has too many things she wants to accomplish. I especially loved following her journey through school as she developed her writing. Even though she moved on to more highbrow literature later in life, it gave me a tickle that one of her favorite authors in high school was V.C. Andrews, as I also remember the eyebrow-raising thrill of discovering her books. And the time she spent with her paternal grandmother Evila (so perfectly named she could be a Disney villain!) was wrenching, but also…I couldn’t wait to see what she was going to pull next. The woman was creative in her cruelty.
More book recommendations by me at www.readingwithhippos.com
July 6, 2020
3,5
RESEÑA COMPLETA https://letraslibrosymas.blogspot.com...
De primeras comentaros que es un libro de no-ficción y nunca había leído de este género porque hasta ahora ninguno me atraía lo suficiente, pero me alegro de haberme adentrado en esta historia porque me ha ofrecido la oportunidad de conocer las vivencias de Reyna Grande y ha sido una experiencia asombrosa y sobrecogedora. Aunque reconozco que en la reseña me va a costar mucho expresar mis impresiones porque es un libro difícil de describir.
Es un libro costumbrista que nos transporta hasta México y Estados Unidos, nos muestra como es la vida allí, su cultura, sus calles y la belleza de sus paisajes. Por supuesto no cuenta con grandes giros, ni aventuras ni nada de acción pero si tiene entre sus páginas mucha emoción, sufrimiento, sueños y esperanzas.
Algo interesante y que aporta mucho a la historia es el hecho de que podamos ser partícipes de toda la vida de los personajes, acompañándolos desde que son unos niños hasta la edad adulta. Esto les aporta mucha profundidad y consigue que les cojas cariño muy pronto, con lo que ayuda a meterse en sus páginas y sentir de manera exquisita lo que sientes ellos.
RESEÑA COMPLETA https://letraslibrosymas.blogspot.com...
De primeras comentaros que es un libro de no-ficción y nunca había leído de este género porque hasta ahora ninguno me atraía lo suficiente, pero me alegro de haberme adentrado en esta historia porque me ha ofrecido la oportunidad de conocer las vivencias de Reyna Grande y ha sido una experiencia asombrosa y sobrecogedora. Aunque reconozco que en la reseña me va a costar mucho expresar mis impresiones porque es un libro difícil de describir.
Es un libro costumbrista que nos transporta hasta México y Estados Unidos, nos muestra como es la vida allí, su cultura, sus calles y la belleza de sus paisajes. Por supuesto no cuenta con grandes giros, ni aventuras ni nada de acción pero si tiene entre sus páginas mucha emoción, sufrimiento, sueños y esperanzas.
Algo interesante y que aporta mucho a la historia es el hecho de que podamos ser partícipes de toda la vida de los personajes, acompañándolos desde que son unos niños hasta la edad adulta. Esto les aporta mucha profundidad y consigue que les cojas cariño muy pronto, con lo que ayuda a meterse en sus páginas y sentir de manera exquisita lo que sientes ellos.
January 7, 2019
I will admit that I probably wouldn't have thought to pick this book up if my book club had not chosen it. I just never knew about it until now. I'm so glad I got the opportunity to read it, as it was really well-written and interesting throughout. Reyna takes us through her childhood and teenage years while living in Mexico and then later in Los Angeles. She doesn't have it easy and I can't even imagine having to deal with some of the circumstances that she did. Her experiences shape her and as she takes us through her life, it feels like she's someone I could easily become friends with. After all, she reads V.C. Andrews novels, listens to Les Misérables and watches Quantum Leap! Aside from that, she seems like a genuinely good person who cares about the people in her life, even when they don't always demonstrate that they care about her too. Her journey gives a new insight to what it is like for people who are trying to immigrate to America to build a better life for themselves. Perhaps some people nowadays would benefit from reading (or listening to) this book. (I listened to the audio version which was really compelling, even though Reyna didn't personally narrate it.) I look forward to discussing The Distance Between Us with my book club. Although some parts are hard to read (trigger warning: physical abuse), I would definitely recommend it.
August 17, 2020
Ha sido una historia que tengo que recomendar sí o sí, que ayuda a hacernos reflexionar y a abrirnos los ojos ante la realidad que tienen que sufrir tantísimas personas; impactante, directa, y muy potente.
Reseña completa: http://fiebrelectora.blogspot.com/202...
Reseña completa: http://fiebrelectora.blogspot.com/202...
March 28, 2023
The Distance Between Us is the autobiographical success story of its writer, Reyna Grande. Her story is mostly inspiring. She writes of overcoming a childhood life of abject poverty in Mexico, having a mother that was indifferent to her children, a father that was physically abusive, and her efforts to assimilate into America as an undocumented immigrant. The ending of her story, which is exemplified by her success as a writer, is a happy one.
The issue that sat uncomfortably with me throughout her story was how passive and apologetic she was in describing her past sufferings. I understand the nature of this book. It intendeds to maintain the perspective of a child or young adult. As such, the flawed mental condition resulting from childhood reasoning is put forward throughout the book, but the subject-matter is too serious for these flawed perspectives to stand alone.
The abuses Grande suffered all took their toll on her brothers and sisters but she ended up a success. The concern that I have is that another young Mexican of similar circumstances will see Grande as their future, when in fact these abuses typically result in other-than-successful outcomes as evidenced by her siblings. In the absence of moral comment on the abuses that Grande survived, she delivers a form acceptance that I found to be unacceptable.
The issue that sat uncomfortably with me throughout her story was how passive and apologetic she was in describing her past sufferings. I understand the nature of this book. It intendeds to maintain the perspective of a child or young adult. As such, the flawed mental condition resulting from childhood reasoning is put forward throughout the book, but the subject-matter is too serious for these flawed perspectives to stand alone.
The abuses Grande suffered all took their toll on her brothers and sisters but she ended up a success. The concern that I have is that another young Mexican of similar circumstances will see Grande as their future, when in fact these abuses typically result in other-than-successful outcomes as evidenced by her siblings. In the absence of moral comment on the abuses that Grande survived, she delivers a form acceptance that I found to be unacceptable.
June 5, 2013
What could be more scary or powerful to a child than a weeping woman who roams the canal and steals children away (in Mexico, known as "La Llorona")? The answer is a power that takes away parents, not children -- the United States ("El Otro Lado" -- the Other Side). Thus opens the prologue in this deeply personal, often heartbreaking, memoir of Reyna Grande and her siblings as they wait for their parents to keep their promise and return to Mexico for them.
The story is a journey of Reyna and her siblings' life from childhood to adulthood. There were intense obstacles of poverty, alcoholism, desertion; people illegally crossing the border from Mexico to the U.S. only because of the dream of a better life - no matter what the cost.
I tip my hat to Reyna Grande for so boldly opening her heart and life to the world. I admire and respect her for all that she has accomplished. And I couldn't be happier for her. I had the pleasure of hearing her speak and meeting her in April 2013 at the LA Times Festival of Books, I only wish I had read this before hand.
One last addition, this is the most perfectly titled book I have ever come across.
The Distance Between Us: A Memoir is referenced so many times and ways in this book, I would love to know from Reyna which came first - the story or the title? Had I read it before meeting her, I would have asked her!
The story is a journey of Reyna and her siblings' life from childhood to adulthood. There were intense obstacles of poverty, alcoholism, desertion; people illegally crossing the border from Mexico to the U.S. only because of the dream of a better life - no matter what the cost.
I tip my hat to Reyna Grande for so boldly opening her heart and life to the world. I admire and respect her for all that she has accomplished. And I couldn't be happier for her. I had the pleasure of hearing her speak and meeting her in April 2013 at the LA Times Festival of Books, I only wish I had read this before hand.
One last addition, this is the most perfectly titled book I have ever come across.
The Distance Between Us: A Memoir is referenced so many times and ways in this book, I would love to know from Reyna which came first - the story or the title? Had I read it before meeting her, I would have asked her!
February 14, 2018
Quizás en otros países pesen otras cosas, pero creo que a mí me impactó el camino que recorrió Reyna: no de México a EEUU, sino su crecimiento como persona. Cómo de la absoluta pobreza con un futuro incierto (si lo había) pasó a tener estudios universitarios, una familia y un futuro en el que no pasaría hambre y tendría un techo sobre su cabeza.
Entiendo la casi justificación a sus padres; obviamente no desde la lógica, pero es muy fácil hablar cuando no sufriste lo que ella, o cuando los que pasaron hambre son tus padres, porque así podían poner un plato de comida frente a vos y a tu hermana.
Una muy linda memoria para leer conozcas o no a la autora. Fuerte, y quizás tendría que tener un trigger warning al principio, pero creo que esto también es representación en la literatura, más allá de su cultura: own voices de maltrato y violencia también es representación.
Entiendo la casi justificación a sus padres; obviamente no desde la lógica, pero es muy fácil hablar cuando no sufriste lo que ella, o cuando los que pasaron hambre son tus padres, porque así podían poner un plato de comida frente a vos y a tu hermana.
Una muy linda memoria para leer conozcas o no a la autora. Fuerte, y quizás tendría que tener un trigger warning al principio, pero creo que esto también es representación en la literatura, más allá de su cultura: own voices de maltrato y violencia también es representación.
July 25, 2020
3.5
Sin duda, es una de esas lecturas que no puede faltar: la forma en que la autora narra la vida de la protagonista, la pobreza, el abandono por parte de los padres, que van a buscar una vida mejor, la soledad, después, el peligroso trayecto hasta EEUU desde México, y su vida como inmigrante allí. Es, sencillamente, impresionante, y logra transmitir cada sentimiento de Reyna (personaje).
Sin embargo, he de decir que los personajes adultos, los padres y, más tarde, sus hermanos al crecer, me han resultado de lo más odiosos, no he acabado de comprender si es porque era totalmente autobiográfico o ha querido dibujarlos a todos así al alcanzar la edad adulta.
Sin duda, es una de esas lecturas que no puede faltar: la forma en que la autora narra la vida de la protagonista, la pobreza, el abandono por parte de los padres, que van a buscar una vida mejor, la soledad, después, el peligroso trayecto hasta EEUU desde México, y su vida como inmigrante allí. Es, sencillamente, impresionante, y logra transmitir cada sentimiento de Reyna (personaje).
Sin embargo, he de decir que los personajes adultos, los padres y, más tarde, sus hermanos al crecer, me han resultado de lo más odiosos, no he acabado de comprender si es porque era totalmente autobiográfico o ha querido dibujarlos a todos así al alcanzar la edad adulta.
December 27, 2015
I thoroughly enjoyed this book. It was well written, funny, poignant and a little sad. And plus, it is nonfiction. It was about a girl left behind with her siblings while her parents tried to make a better living in the U.S. The money the parents sent home so the grandmother could take care of them, was spent not on them, but on the favored grandchild, also living with the grandparents. This was a great coming of age story of a little Mexican girl who finally made it to America, only to find out that life was still hard.
February 2, 2020
A truly remarkable memoir that I wish were required reading in US high schools. I pray that no one who has read this story can have anything but the upmost compassion for those families which have been torn apart by poverty and borders.
I’m kicking myself for somehow missing this in the years since its 2012 publication. I do know that that in 2012 I wasn’t reading any nonfiction and had 3 littles at home ~ I’m just glad I finally read it ❤️
I’m kicking myself for somehow missing this in the years since its 2012 publication. I do know that that in 2012 I wasn’t reading any nonfiction and had 3 littles at home ~ I’m just glad I finally read it ❤️
December 6, 2020
3.5 stars
This is a compelling memoir about the author’s childhood, the first half about her life as a kid left behind in poverty in Mexico while her parents struggled to make a better life in the U.S., and the second half about crossing the border at the age of 10 and the challenges of living in a broken immigrant family. I say “broken” because as much as it’s a memoir of immigration, this is also a memoir of childhood abuse and neglect. Reyna Grande and her older siblings, Mago and Carlos, more or less have to take care of themselves (Mago as the eldest is appointed at the age of eight to be “little mother” to the others), since every adult responsible for them, with the exception of their maternal grandmother, is awful in one way or another. The kids get shunted around between grandparents and parents and can only really depend on each other.
The memoir reads like a novel, not only in that it’s compelling storytelling but in that it’s told in the form of scenes with lots of dialogue, so the reader has to accept that details are approximate or fictionalized. The beginning, when the children are living with their aptly-named Grandmother Evila, is black-and-white in its characterization, and there’s something of the self-righteous perspective of a teen throughout, though the author has more appreciation for the complexities of some of her other relatives.
It is certainly valuable as an immigration story though, showing how separation permanently disrupts family relationships, and how the traumas of separation, poverty, and not belonging corrode the parents’ ability to be there for their kids in the way that they need and the kids’ ability to focus on their future as they grow up. The author’s childhood often seems impossibly hard, given her lack of adult care and support, and it’s impressive that she was able to go on to become the first in her family to graduate college, let alone become a successful author. Her older sister, and a teacher who took her in during a time of need, get a lot of well-deserved credit.
I would have liked to see more about the author’s and her siblings’ adult lives, and particularly how they all handled parenting after their own terrible childhoods. But this is a strong childhood memoir and a good look at the realities of immigration and the pressures compelling people to make that choice. While set mostly in the 1980s, it’s just as timely now. And I loved the inclusion of all the family photos!
This is a compelling memoir about the author’s childhood, the first half about her life as a kid left behind in poverty in Mexico while her parents struggled to make a better life in the U.S., and the second half about crossing the border at the age of 10 and the challenges of living in a broken immigrant family. I say “broken” because as much as it’s a memoir of immigration, this is also a memoir of childhood abuse and neglect. Reyna Grande and her older siblings, Mago and Carlos, more or less have to take care of themselves (Mago as the eldest is appointed at the age of eight to be “little mother” to the others), since every adult responsible for them, with the exception of their maternal grandmother, is awful in one way or another. The kids get shunted around between grandparents and parents and can only really depend on each other.
The memoir reads like a novel, not only in that it’s compelling storytelling but in that it’s told in the form of scenes with lots of dialogue, so the reader has to accept that details are approximate or fictionalized. The beginning, when the children are living with their aptly-named Grandmother Evila, is black-and-white in its characterization, and there’s something of the self-righteous perspective of a teen throughout, though the author has more appreciation for the complexities of some of her other relatives.
It is certainly valuable as an immigration story though, showing how separation permanently disrupts family relationships, and how the traumas of separation, poverty, and not belonging corrode the parents’ ability to be there for their kids in the way that they need and the kids’ ability to focus on their future as they grow up. The author’s childhood often seems impossibly hard, given her lack of adult care and support, and it’s impressive that she was able to go on to become the first in her family to graduate college, let alone become a successful author. Her older sister, and a teacher who took her in during a time of need, get a lot of well-deserved credit.
I would have liked to see more about the author’s and her siblings’ adult lives, and particularly how they all handled parenting after their own terrible childhoods. But this is a strong childhood memoir and a good look at the realities of immigration and the pressures compelling people to make that choice. While set mostly in the 1980s, it’s just as timely now. And I loved the inclusion of all the family photos!
February 7, 2017
2.5 stars. While the author conveyed the pain and difficulty of a broken family separated by a border, this is the story of immigration. The selfishness of her parents was pretty amazing, and the disappointment that life in America was not all it was hyped up to be is a reality faced by generations of people immigrating here.
My biggest issues: if I read one more time "all I wanted was my family to be together" I think I would have thrown my kindle against the wall!! We got it, thanks. The biggest issue that I have is that, while I am sure the author wanted the reader to walk away with sympathy for the illegal immigrant, given that 50% of the people in the book ended up on welfare, that point was lost on me. Finally, what was the resolution?? I was looking for resolution with some issues such as: Does she send money and support her family in Mexico? Has she helped any of them legally immigrate to America? I read she teaches ESL and other outreach programs, but what does she do for her family still in Mexico? Interesting read.
My biggest issues: if I read one more time "all I wanted was my family to be together" I think I would have thrown my kindle against the wall!! We got it, thanks. The biggest issue that I have is that, while I am sure the author wanted the reader to walk away with sympathy for the illegal immigrant, given that 50% of the people in the book ended up on welfare, that point was lost on me. Finally, what was the resolution?? I was looking for resolution with some issues such as: Does she send money and support her family in Mexico? Has she helped any of them legally immigrate to America? I read she teaches ESL and other outreach programs, but what does she do for her family still in Mexico? Interesting read.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 17, 2012
This was a heartbreaking story of the toll of immigration on a family. Novelist Reyna Grande's memoir documents the steady disintegration of her family over decades as one by one members of her family leave and return, leave and return to "el Otro Lado," the United States.
The first separation takes place before the start of the book; Reyna is so young when her father leaves for the US that she knows him only by his photo, and thinks of him as "the man behind the glass." The second, though certainly not the most wrenching separation (because how can you choose when there are so many, and each is so painful?) comes when her mother leaves the children to join their father. As Reyna says at that time, “truth be told, I never really got my mother back.”
The title, The Distance Between Us, originally comes when Reyna's older sister Mago shows her on a map the distance between their parents in the US and the children in Mexico, nearly 2,000 miles. That is the distance between them. That makes my heart ache just thinking about that, both as a mother and a daughter. But the title takes on more significance throughout the book, as you see the distance between the family members growing, even as they are reunited in the same country.
It's certainly not light reading, but I think a story like this is important to understanding the larger issues of immigration, and the human side of it. We are talking about real people, just like you and me, and that is too often forgotten in the debate.
*I received a free copy of this book through NetGalley.
The first separation takes place before the start of the book; Reyna is so young when her father leaves for the US that she knows him only by his photo, and thinks of him as "the man behind the glass." The second, though certainly not the most wrenching separation (because how can you choose when there are so many, and each is so painful?) comes when her mother leaves the children to join their father. As Reyna says at that time, “truth be told, I never really got my mother back.”
The title, The Distance Between Us, originally comes when Reyna's older sister Mago shows her on a map the distance between their parents in the US and the children in Mexico, nearly 2,000 miles. That is the distance between them. That makes my heart ache just thinking about that, both as a mother and a daughter. But the title takes on more significance throughout the book, as you see the distance between the family members growing, even as they are reunited in the same country.
It's certainly not light reading, but I think a story like this is important to understanding the larger issues of immigration, and the human side of it. We are talking about real people, just like you and me, and that is too often forgotten in the debate.
*I received a free copy of this book through NetGalley.
March 26, 2021
Well-written and touching memoir
February 3, 2020
4.5 “¿era mejor ser pobre y estar con tu familia? ¿O era mejor encontrar la forma de tener una mejor vida, incluso si eso significa separarse de la familia?”
Esta novela autobiográfica de Reyna Grande es una historia dura que retrata la pobreza, el abandono, el sueño americano y el precio que se paga por él. Un libro que preferiría fuera ficción pero que tristemente es la realidad de muchos.
Esta novela autobiográfica de Reyna Grande es una historia dura que retrata la pobreza, el abandono, el sueño americano y el precio que se paga por él. Un libro que preferiría fuera ficción pero que tristemente es la realidad de muchos.
September 17, 2023
Por momentos doloroso de leer y lleno de matices,como debe ser un libro sobre este tema. El hecho de que sea la historia familiar de la autora le aporta también credibilidad a su voz.
October 1, 2019
4.5 / 5
Una historia increíble. Tan personal y emotiva que es imposible no experimentar un sinfín de emociones diferentes al mismo tiempo.
Una historia increíble. Tan personal y emotiva que es imposible no experimentar un sinfín de emociones diferentes al mismo tiempo.
October 26, 2020
La distancia entre nosotros nos cuenta sobre Reyna y su paso por Estados Unidos, su familia y su vida en México. Ha sido una historia que me ha hecho pensar mucho ya que lo que se muestra en este libro es la dura realidad de muchos mexicanos, al final se me salieron algunas lagrimas pero termine estando feliz por Reyna y como salió adelante.
Una historia que sin duda vale la pena leer y para mí una de mis mejores lecturas este año.
Una historia que sin duda vale la pena leer y para mí una de mis mejores lecturas este año.
September 7, 2020
Empecé a leer este libro sin ninguna expectativa, esperanza o cualquier tipo de idea.
Sinceramente, si la editorial no me lo hubiera mandado por sorpresa, no lo habría leído. Y solo puedo darles las GRACIAS por publicar este libro y habérmelo mandado. Merece mucho la pena.
No sabía qué iba a encontrarme. Y ha sido una de las mejores sorpresas (en lo que a literatura se refiere) que me ha dado este 2020.
Me ha parecido una historia increíble, como nunca antes había leído una. Me ha hecho sentir muchísimo, y es que nos cuenta la historia real de la autora; no es un libro de ficción. Es la autobiografía de Reyna Grande y yo no tenía ni idea.
Es una historia dura, muy muy profunda, en la que es inevitable que empatices con todos y cada uno de los personajes e intentes ponerte en su piel.
Conoceremos la historia de Reyna desde, prácticamente, el principio de su vida. Tanto de ella, como de sus hermanos y demás familia.
Cuando eran muy pequeños (tanto que Reyna no se acuerda apenas de él) su padre los dejó para irse a Estados Unidos y ganar dinero para poder sobrevivir y ser felices en México. Poco más adelante los dejó también su madre. Ambos cruzando la frontera ilegalmente y viviendo en un país sin papeles, con los peligros que todo ello conlleva.
Durante todo ese tiempo conoceremos las penurias por las que pasaron, la pobreza extrema, las abusos y burlas que sufrieron... La vida que tuvieron.
Sufres a cada página, con cada palabra y cada escena (alguna de ellas muy dura). Y es que solo quieres seguir leyendo para ver si en algún momento, como suele pasar en los libros de ficción, mejora la vida de esta pobre gente.
Este libro abarca muuuchos años de nuestros personajes. Si no recuerdo mal, desde que Reyna tiene 4 años hasta la edad adulta. Y personalmente, a mí este libro me ha impactado mucho. Es impresionante lo diferentes que son las vidas entre un país y otro.
En resumen, es un libro desgarrador, impactante, emotivo, duro... Pero merece mucho la pena. A mi me ha impresionado mucho. Me ha parecido increíble la fuerza que muestra Reyna constantemente, como siempre intenta superarse, luchar y mantener la esperanza...
El libro es muy ágil, tiene una lectura muy fluida y no se te va a hacer pesado en ningún momento.
Sinceramente, si la editorial no me lo hubiera mandado por sorpresa, no lo habría leído. Y solo puedo darles las GRACIAS por publicar este libro y habérmelo mandado. Merece mucho la pena.
No sabía qué iba a encontrarme. Y ha sido una de las mejores sorpresas (en lo que a literatura se refiere) que me ha dado este 2020.
Me ha parecido una historia increíble, como nunca antes había leído una. Me ha hecho sentir muchísimo, y es que nos cuenta la historia real de la autora; no es un libro de ficción. Es la autobiografía de Reyna Grande y yo no tenía ni idea.
Es una historia dura, muy muy profunda, en la que es inevitable que empatices con todos y cada uno de los personajes e intentes ponerte en su piel.
Conoceremos la historia de Reyna desde, prácticamente, el principio de su vida. Tanto de ella, como de sus hermanos y demás familia.
Cuando eran muy pequeños (tanto que Reyna no se acuerda apenas de él) su padre los dejó para irse a Estados Unidos y ganar dinero para poder sobrevivir y ser felices en México. Poco más adelante los dejó también su madre. Ambos cruzando la frontera ilegalmente y viviendo en un país sin papeles, con los peligros que todo ello conlleva.
Durante todo ese tiempo conoceremos las penurias por las que pasaron, la pobreza extrema, las abusos y burlas que sufrieron... La vida que tuvieron.
Sufres a cada página, con cada palabra y cada escena (alguna de ellas muy dura). Y es que solo quieres seguir leyendo para ver si en algún momento, como suele pasar en los libros de ficción, mejora la vida de esta pobre gente.
Este libro abarca muuuchos años de nuestros personajes. Si no recuerdo mal, desde que Reyna tiene 4 años hasta la edad adulta. Y personalmente, a mí este libro me ha impactado mucho. Es impresionante lo diferentes que son las vidas entre un país y otro.
En resumen, es un libro desgarrador, impactante, emotivo, duro... Pero merece mucho la pena. A mi me ha impresionado mucho. Me ha parecido increíble la fuerza que muestra Reyna constantemente, como siempre intenta superarse, luchar y mantener la esperanza...
El libro es muy ágil, tiene una lectura muy fluida y no se te va a hacer pesado en ningún momento.
February 12, 2022
** spoiler alert ** The writing style wasn't challenging, but the subject matter - immigration and family separation - was difficult to swallow. It's a very sad true story. The author Reyna Grande tells us the story of her childhood. She was born in a small Mexican town called Iguala as the third child. Soon after her birth, her father went to El Otro Lado (the other place aka USA) to find work in order to provide for his family and save money to build a house in Mexico. Soon after that, the mother leaves for America as well to join the father. The children feel like orphans and suffer abuse at the hands of their paternal grandmother. The parents have a baby in America, which means the author's little sister is automatically American. The mother comes back because the father is seeing another woman. The children suffer in poverty with a single mother who leaves them again to be with her new lover. The father suddenly comes back with the intention of taking one child back with him. To the dismay of his new wife, the father returns with three children. Life in America isn't easy at first due to the language barrier etc.
I felt so sad for the children. To be abandoned by their parents and how they never managed to heal the wounds inflicted on them. Hurt people hurt people. Then there was this obsession with consuming which I guess is part of the American dream. The family members were cruel to each other. Only Reyna managed to finish college. All her siblings ended up seeking love from other people, which they didn't get from their own parents, resulting in college dropouts, early marriages and teenage pregnancy. Was it really worth it? Will the cycle of pain ever be broken? What is happening now? The only thing which warmed my heart was the siblings’ close relationship to each other.
I felt so sad for the children. To be abandoned by their parents and how they never managed to heal the wounds inflicted on them. Hurt people hurt people. Then there was this obsession with consuming which I guess is part of the American dream. The family members were cruel to each other. Only Reyna managed to finish college. All her siblings ended up seeking love from other people, which they didn't get from their own parents, resulting in college dropouts, early marriages and teenage pregnancy. Was it really worth it? Will the cycle of pain ever be broken? What is happening now? The only thing which warmed my heart was the siblings’ close relationship to each other.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 29, 2016
I think the issue of illegal immigration has always and will always stay a contentious issue and this book touched on several subjects that was probably very difficult to lay bare to the ignorant public.
Rena Grande and her 2 siblings are the focus of this coming-of-age memoir and follows their journey as a "family' from Mexico, into the USA as illegal immigrants and finally becoming full rounded citizens in more sense than just one.
Both their parents as well as their stepmom and paternal grandmother took turns inflicting emotional damage on the three but at times the parents also showed a glimmer of compassion and care for their offspring.
However, I think the problems in this family's dynamics had more to do with parental neglect than the fact that they were separated from their children for long stretches of time.
I found it particularly poignant when Rena just started attending school in the USA struggling to make herself understood in a language her tongue and mind seemed to resist. The feeling of being an outsider not only in the US but also in Mexico was a very difficult bridge to cross and even more so when you are 10.
I really enjoyed the audio narration as the Mexican words and pronunciations made me feel more involved than if I had I read this.
If my country, South Africa, didn’t have its own heap of sad and often horrific illegal immigration stories perhaps I would have felt a stronger connection to this memoir. I still think this was a good story but I could not help comparing this to A Man of Good Hope and found the latter a stronger story of resilience and survival.
Rena Grande and her 2 siblings are the focus of this coming-of-age memoir and follows their journey as a "family' from Mexico, into the USA as illegal immigrants and finally becoming full rounded citizens in more sense than just one.
Both their parents as well as their stepmom and paternal grandmother took turns inflicting emotional damage on the three but at times the parents also showed a glimmer of compassion and care for their offspring.
However, I think the problems in this family's dynamics had more to do with parental neglect than the fact that they were separated from their children for long stretches of time.
I found it particularly poignant when Rena just started attending school in the USA struggling to make herself understood in a language her tongue and mind seemed to resist. The feeling of being an outsider not only in the US but also in Mexico was a very difficult bridge to cross and even more so when you are 10.
I really enjoyed the audio narration as the Mexican words and pronunciations made me feel more involved than if I had I read this.
If my country, South Africa, didn’t have its own heap of sad and often horrific illegal immigration stories perhaps I would have felt a stronger connection to this memoir. I still think this was a good story but I could not help comparing this to A Man of Good Hope and found the latter a stronger story of resilience and survival.
March 3, 2014
When I thought of illegal immigrants, I hadn't really considered what they had left behind. This book highlights those children left back home for years at a time as their parents journey, at great risk, to "El Otro Lado" to try to better life for themselves and their children. A young child, though, can't really understand why his parents have abandoned him. This is a heart-breaking book, not only in its piercing portrayal of how it feels to be that child left back home, but also in its depiction of the stark poverty that drove the parents to such a decision. The author and her siblings are left with their stern paternal grandmother first, and then later with their sweet, but crushingly poor, maternal grandmother. They are reduced to bathing in a dirty canal and to living in a hut with dirt floors, lice, and no running water. The desperation of their mother, who has followed their father to the USA, only to return with their littlest sister when their father leaves her for another woman, is palpable. These are people with no prospects, living at the edge of endurance. Finally, the author's father returns for his children, but the author faces a difficult life with her abusive father and her stepmother in a one-bedroom apartment (where the three siblings share the living room as their bedroom)in Los Angeles. This is an eye-opening book. I have great admiration for the author, who overcame so much to succeed. She has written a stirring, thought-provoking memoir.
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