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I Am Still With You: A Reckoning with Silence, Inheritance, and History
“Powerful and transcendent" — Chigozie Obioma
"Both epic and intimate" —Margo Jefferson
A deeply moving, lyrical journey through the author’s homeland of Nigeria, in search of the truth about his disappeared uncle and the history of a war that shaped him, his family, and a nation
In inimitable, rhythmic prose, the author and winner of the prestigious Windham-Campbell Prize Emmanuel Iduma tells the story of his return to Nigeria, where he grew up, after years of living in New York. He traveled home with an elusive to learn the fate of his uncle Emmanuel, his namesake, who disappeared in the Nigerian Civil War in the late 1960s. A conflict that left so many families broken, the war remains at the margins of the history books, almost taboo to discuss. To find answers, Iduma stopped in city after city throughout the former Biafra region, reconnecting with relatives dear and distant to probe their memories, prowling university libraries to furtively photocopy illicit books, and visiting half-abandoned monuments along the highway. Perhaps, he realized, if he could understand how his father grieved the loss of a brother in the war, he might learn how to grieve his late father in turn.
His is also the story of countless families across the country and across the world who will never have answers or proper funerals for their loved ones. It’s a story about the birth of an artist, about writing itself as an act both healing and political, even dangerous. And it’s a story about family history and legacy, and all the questions the dead leave unanswered. How much of the author’s identity is wrapped up in this inheritance? And what does it mean to return home, when the people who define it are gone?
Equal parts memoir, national history, and political reckoning, I Am Still With You is a profoundly personal story of collective loss and making peace with the unknowable.
"Both epic and intimate" —Margo Jefferson
A deeply moving, lyrical journey through the author’s homeland of Nigeria, in search of the truth about his disappeared uncle and the history of a war that shaped him, his family, and a nation
In inimitable, rhythmic prose, the author and winner of the prestigious Windham-Campbell Prize Emmanuel Iduma tells the story of his return to Nigeria, where he grew up, after years of living in New York. He traveled home with an elusive to learn the fate of his uncle Emmanuel, his namesake, who disappeared in the Nigerian Civil War in the late 1960s. A conflict that left so many families broken, the war remains at the margins of the history books, almost taboo to discuss. To find answers, Iduma stopped in city after city throughout the former Biafra region, reconnecting with relatives dear and distant to probe their memories, prowling university libraries to furtively photocopy illicit books, and visiting half-abandoned monuments along the highway. Perhaps, he realized, if he could understand how his father grieved the loss of a brother in the war, he might learn how to grieve his late father in turn.
His is also the story of countless families across the country and across the world who will never have answers or proper funerals for their loved ones. It’s a story about the birth of an artist, about writing itself as an act both healing and political, even dangerous. And it’s a story about family history and legacy, and all the questions the dead leave unanswered. How much of the author’s identity is wrapped up in this inheritance? And what does it mean to return home, when the people who define it are gone?
Equal parts memoir, national history, and political reckoning, I Am Still With You is a profoundly personal story of collective loss and making peace with the unknowable.
240 pages, Hardcover
Published February 21, 2023
About the author
Emmanuel Iduma
19 books60 followersEmmanuel Iduma, born and raised in Nigeria, is a writer and art critic. He is the author of the novel The Sound of Things to Come and co-editor of Gambit: Newer African Writing. He has contributed essays on art and photography to a number of journals, magazines, and exhibition catalogues, including Guernica, ARTNews, ESOPUS, and The Trans-African, for which he works as managing editor. His interviews with photographers and writers have appeared in the Aperture blog, Wasafiri, and Africa is a Country. He co-founded and directs Saraba magazine.
Since 2011, he has worked with Invisible Borders, a trans-African organization based in Nigeria, and currently the director of publications. He played a major curatorial role in the group’s installation A Trans-African Worldspace at the 2015 Venice Biennale.
He was longlisted for the Kwani? Manuscript Prize in 2013. In 2015, he was writer-in-residence at the Danspace Project’s Platform in New York, L’appartement 22 in Rabat, and the Thread Residency in Sinthian, Senegal. In 2016, he was invited to contribute a travelogue for Carnegie International, 2018. A lawyer by training, he holds an MFA in Art Criticism and Writing from the School of Visual Arts, New York, where he is also a faculty member.
Since 2011, he has worked with Invisible Borders, a trans-African organization based in Nigeria, and currently the director of publications. He played a major curatorial role in the group’s installation A Trans-African Worldspace at the 2015 Venice Biennale.
He was longlisted for the Kwani? Manuscript Prize in 2013. In 2015, he was writer-in-residence at the Danspace Project’s Platform in New York, L’appartement 22 in Rabat, and the Thread Residency in Sinthian, Senegal. In 2016, he was invited to contribute a travelogue for Carnegie International, 2018. A lawyer by training, he holds an MFA in Art Criticism and Writing from the School of Visual Arts, New York, where he is also a faculty member.
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Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews
March 6, 2023
I personally really enjoyed reading about Emmanuel Iduma’s personal search for the history about the Nigeria-Biafra civil war. His account of his search is filled with a good dose of emotion and facts.
His writing starts with the End SARS movement and ends with it. I couldn’t help thinking that this was like a fresh war.
He writes tenderly about his wife who is one of my absolute favourite authors and Yoruba. It is not lost on me that Emmanuel is writing about a war that was meant to tear Igbo and Yoruba people apart while declaring his undying love for his precious wife and truest companion.
I love the fact that there is a family tree and a map of Nigeria showing both the Original Biafra Border (July 1967 - Dec. 1969) and the Final Biafra Border (Dec. 1969 - Jan 1970).
His writing starts with the End SARS movement and ends with it. I couldn’t help thinking that this was like a fresh war.
He writes tenderly about his wife who is one of my absolute favourite authors and Yoruba. It is not lost on me that Emmanuel is writing about a war that was meant to tear Igbo and Yoruba people apart while declaring his undying love for his precious wife and truest companion.
I love the fact that there is a family tree and a map of Nigeria showing both the Original Biafra Border (July 1967 - Dec. 1969) and the Final Biafra Border (Dec. 1969 - Jan 1970).
November 18, 2022
First of all, thank you Librarything, Algonquin Books and Emmanuel Iduma for an "arc" of "I Am Still With You". After reading the summary of this novel on Librarything, I knew that it was a story that I wanted to read. One of my goals this year, is to read more non-fiction novels. "I Am Still With You" certainly did not disappoint! Mr. Iduma leads us through his return to his homeland of Nigeria. His goals are two-fold: to find out the truth of what happened to his uncle (who disappeared); and the facts of the history of a civil war that not only determined his path and the path of his immediate family, but also a nation.
Mr. Iduma did a truly amazing job of describing his journey back to Nigeria. Some of his experiences were heart-warming, some were not. This is what made his novel so intriguing. I would definitely recommend adding this novel to your "tbr" list when it's available on February 21, 2023!
Mr. Iduma did a truly amazing job of describing his journey back to Nigeria. Some of his experiences were heart-warming, some were not. This is what made his novel so intriguing. I would definitely recommend adding this novel to your "tbr" list when it's available on February 21, 2023!
December 30, 2022
I Am Still With You by Emmanuel Iduma is a compete compelling Memoir to read! Thank you, Goodreads once again for choosing me for my second Giveaway Blessing. 🧡 I can not EXPRESS my Gratitude enough for this Memoir. This author captures the reader's attention from the very beginning of the pages. And, through his words, we're able to mentally Journey back to his Homeland, Nigeria (with him) for Truth. I was so allured into the Historical facts and numbers, etc. that I stopped (at page 4) to get a highligher. I wanted to make sure I marked all the very INTERESTING, INTERESTING INFORMATION this Author, Emmanuel Iduma has GRACED this World to know. AND, I DO THANK YOU!! 💫 You have Truly Unspired Me and May God Continually Bless You and Your Family! This Memoir is Flawless, Powerful, Bold, Unapologetic, and it is STRENGTH!!
August 30, 2024
3.5 rounded up
After several years living in New York, author Emmanuel Iduma returns to his homeland of Nigeria on a quest for answers regarding his uncle's disappearance during the 1960s Nigerian civil war.
Prior to my trip to Lagos, Nigeria in November 2023, I looked for a couple of books that would help me learn more about the country I would be visiting. I saw this recently published non-fiction book on a reading list and thought it would pair well with the historical fiction novel, Half of a Yellow Sun - both having to do with the civil war of the 1960s. As expected, the books complimented each other very nicely and Iduma even references HoaYS in his writing (fist pump for my smart intuition!).
Though I got delayed in reading this book (read in February 2024, writing this review in August 2024), I think it actually helped that I experienced the country first because I could better visualize the descriptions of travel and human interaction.
Iduma's writing is poetic and thought provoking. There were times I wished I had a pen in my hand to underline his profound musings as well as the passages of historical significance to Nigeria as a nation. I do not think that whether or not Iduma finds answers about his Uncle marks the success of his journey, but rather that he is able to learn more about his ancestral roots and bring to light how the war impacted, and continues to impact, his ancestors and living family members to this day. His quest and yearning for knowledge is inspiring and in turn made me consider what I know about my own family origins. I'll admit, not enough.
After several years living in New York, author Emmanuel Iduma returns to his homeland of Nigeria on a quest for answers regarding his uncle's disappearance during the 1960s Nigerian civil war.
Prior to my trip to Lagos, Nigeria in November 2023, I looked for a couple of books that would help me learn more about the country I would be visiting. I saw this recently published non-fiction book on a reading list and thought it would pair well with the historical fiction novel, Half of a Yellow Sun - both having to do with the civil war of the 1960s. As expected, the books complimented each other very nicely and Iduma even references HoaYS in his writing (fist pump for my smart intuition!).
Though I got delayed in reading this book (read in February 2024, writing this review in August 2024), I think it actually helped that I experienced the country first because I could better visualize the descriptions of travel and human interaction.
Iduma's writing is poetic and thought provoking. There were times I wished I had a pen in my hand to underline his profound musings as well as the passages of historical significance to Nigeria as a nation. I do not think that whether or not Iduma finds answers about his Uncle marks the success of his journey, but rather that he is able to learn more about his ancestral roots and bring to light how the war impacted, and continues to impact, his ancestors and living family members to this day. His quest and yearning for knowledge is inspiring and in turn made me consider what I know about my own family origins. I'll admit, not enough.
May 2, 2023
The author wrote about how him himself wrote a book about the Biafran war. In the title page when the author said it was a book of history along with other stuff. I really noticed it. I had a hard time remembering all those facts of the Biafrans war. Though I did enjoy this one part when the author met a man who gave him so much information that that the author was unable to remember all the details him self. I guess he wrote this to tell the audience that they should try and learn what they can about Nigerians dark past. There wasnt that much info about inheritance because I didn’t see any similarities that the author had with his uncle. Perhaps the uncle was to represent every soldier in the Biafrans war. I can understand the silence my parents are from Uganda and they never talk to me in about the reign of idi Amin with all the people he killed. My relatives don’t tell me anything either. The silence seems to be a recurring theme in the atrocities of African bloody conflicts.
December 3, 2022
This review was written for LibraryThing Early Reviewers
An interesting memoir. He talks about his life and his journey to find out what happened to his uncle. It is the story of his search for information. There are conflicting stories. Different people remember things differently. He finds people who are afraid to talk about the rebellion. He also shares some of the story of the Nigerian Civil War. There are excerpts of Christopher Okigbo's poems. He talks of how seriously dreams are viewed.
An interesting memoir. He talks about his life and his journey to find out what happened to his uncle. It is the story of his search for information. There are conflicting stories. Different people remember things differently. He finds people who are afraid to talk about the rebellion. He also shares some of the story of the Nigerian Civil War. There are excerpts of Christopher Okigbo's poems. He talks of how seriously dreams are viewed.
April 17, 2024
4.5 ✨
In I’m Still With You, Emmanuel Iduma sets out on a mission to unearth the mysteries surrounding the life and times of his uncle and namesake who died during the Biafran War, reportedly. The timeline of his research, begins in 2020, at the peak of the END SARS protests and somewhere along the line, his research also coincides with the Nigerian government’s attempts to clamp down on the IPOB movement in the south eastern parts of the country.
Just as the title on the U.S. publication says, this memoir is a reckoning with silence, inheritance and history and it spoke to me on so many levels. The first being that like the author, I am part of the generation that did not witness the war, but has inherited this uncomfortable silence and general vagueness as a default response to any question regarding that period and is therefore always willing to learn what I can from any available,credible source - Of which this particular book has become one. The second has to do with interpersonal relationships in the family and how that impacts our lives in ways beyond our understanding.
I genuinely loved every passage where he spoke of the tender loving friendship and companionship of his wife, not just because she’s one of my favorite authors in the world but you can almost feel the reciprocity of his affection and just how much he has been blessed by it.
I love that there are so many theories about the inspiration for the title that can be inferred from the contents of this memoir, and that he does steer the reader’s mind towards one, but I also think that it’s beautiful that the title appears to be in conversation with the title of his wife’s debut novel. A conversation as heartwarmingly reassuring as the love they both share.
In I’m Still With You, Emmanuel Iduma sets out on a mission to unearth the mysteries surrounding the life and times of his uncle and namesake who died during the Biafran War, reportedly. The timeline of his research, begins in 2020, at the peak of the END SARS protests and somewhere along the line, his research also coincides with the Nigerian government’s attempts to clamp down on the IPOB movement in the south eastern parts of the country.
Just as the title on the U.S. publication says, this memoir is a reckoning with silence, inheritance and history and it spoke to me on so many levels. The first being that like the author, I am part of the generation that did not witness the war, but has inherited this uncomfortable silence and general vagueness as a default response to any question regarding that period and is therefore always willing to learn what I can from any available,credible source - Of which this particular book has become one. The second has to do with interpersonal relationships in the family and how that impacts our lives in ways beyond our understanding.
I genuinely loved every passage where he spoke of the tender loving friendship and companionship of his wife, not just because she’s one of my favorite authors in the world but you can almost feel the reciprocity of his affection and just how much he has been blessed by it.
I love that there are so many theories about the inspiration for the title that can be inferred from the contents of this memoir, and that he does steer the reader’s mind towards one, but I also think that it’s beautiful that the title appears to be in conversation with the title of his wife’s debut novel. A conversation as heartwarmingly reassuring as the love they both share.
September 5, 2024
Emmanuel Iduma moves back to Nigeria after years of living in New York. He went there, not only to make it his home but to attempt to find out what happened to the uncle that went missing in the Nigerian Civil War. His father's favorite brother. The author and his family are of the Igbo ethnic group in Southern Nigeria and when many Igbo were killed in Northern Nigeria by the Hausa many survivors fled South and its government declared its independence as the Republic of Biafra. The Federal government then declared war to keep the country united. As he tries to find some answers about his uncle's service he goes from city to city, town to town, and site to site. He prowled libraries taking surreptitious photos of illicit books. The fear was evident as well, as young men belong to an underground freedom movement, IPOD, and when protests broke out against a brutal, special unit the Governor of Lagos called in the Nigerian Army who began shooting the protestors with live rounds. Many of the people that Iduma spoke to remarked that his Igbo wasn't very good and were wary of him because of it. He didn't find all the answers he needed about his uncle for even his family wishes to move on and most of his family are younger than his uncle's generation
and have little knowledge of him.
and have little knowledge of him.
February 16, 2024
I received an ARC in exchange for an honest review (apologies for the delay as it got backlisted quite a bit).
Iduma's book is less a memoir and more of a nonfiction exploration of his research into his uncle's fate after disappearing during the Nigerian civil war of the 1960s, and on the war itself and its aftermath. The standout parts of the book to me were the brief and too rare sections where he opens up about his family and personal life, but unfortunately this wasn't the bulk of the book. Despite the book's synopsis, Iduma finds out very little about his uncle, but continues to research the war that deeply impacted his family, but predated his birth. There is some explanation of politics and the major "players" involved in the war, and he also attempts many interviews (both with friends and family about his uncle and the war, as well as strangers knowledgeable about the war itself), with varying success. Iduma writes well but his style is extremely formal and sometimes stiff, with some terms greatly overused (such as 'estimating' various situations), and this kept me at a further remove from him and his story. Overall, this is a mixed bag, but probably of more interest to those interested in recent Nigerian history.
Iduma's book is less a memoir and more of a nonfiction exploration of his research into his uncle's fate after disappearing during the Nigerian civil war of the 1960s, and on the war itself and its aftermath. The standout parts of the book to me were the brief and too rare sections where he opens up about his family and personal life, but unfortunately this wasn't the bulk of the book. Despite the book's synopsis, Iduma finds out very little about his uncle, but continues to research the war that deeply impacted his family, but predated his birth. There is some explanation of politics and the major "players" involved in the war, and he also attempts many interviews (both with friends and family about his uncle and the war, as well as strangers knowledgeable about the war itself), with varying success. Iduma writes well but his style is extremely formal and sometimes stiff, with some terms greatly overused (such as 'estimating' various situations), and this kept me at a further remove from him and his story. Overall, this is a mixed bag, but probably of more interest to those interested in recent Nigerian history.
March 22, 2023
I was obsessed with reading this memoir and then, obsessed with writing a formal review to send out to a literary magazine about it. Iduma takes us on his travels through his birthplace, Nigeria, as he searches for clues about his disappeared paternal uncle. The writer was living in New York City and completing graduate studies prior to his return to Nigeria in 2019. His uncle, who the writer is named after, never returned from the Biafran War/Nigerian Civil War of the late 1960's. Yet finding clues about him proves difficult because the writer's father passes away just as Iduma is beginning his search, and his mom passed when he was just four. Add to that, scant historical documents concerning the war plus the manner in which the Nigerian Govt represses facts about the war, and you may well imagine the challenges the writer faces. As he faces those challenges, he takes us along on a journey that includes family history, politics, cultural revelations, and authentic narrative about the experiences of personal and social upheaval. This was a great read!
December 28, 2023
3.5. I’ve often thought writing that described everything in minute detail was excessive but Iduma’s memoir made me feel differently. Made me feel like in any scenario, even the slant of the grass bore some meaning. I appreciated reading this because of how uninformed I am about the Biafran war and why there is such a divide amongst the tribes (my relatives often referring to Igbos like they were oyinbo). I appreciated the glimpses into Iduma’s life (like the areas with Ayobami) which all in some way beautifully written way tie into his journey of discovery. Some departures from the journey (like the talk of end sars) felt a bit out of place, if there was a connection to be made about the Nigeria that oppresses igbos (for daring to question the idea of one Nigeria) to the same Nigeria that oppresses protesters (for daring to question the idea of freedom and dignity in Nigeria), it wasn’t made for me and maybe if it was, those bits would have felt more than something that just happened to be occurring to the author whilst he researched the main, important thing.
May 15, 2023
I Am Still With You is based on the Nigerian Civil War between 1967 and 1970. The author's uncle went to fight in the war but never returned. The book tells the story of the author's return to Nigeria, where he grew up (after years of living in New York), in an attempt to figure out what happened to his uncle. Along the way, he finds out how the history of his country impacted his family, his nation, and his culture.
I love how the author talked about how his life intersected with Nigerian history and how the current Nigerian political climate is still impacted. I learned a lot about Nigerian history in this book, and it gave me a view into some of the conflicts that have touched and impacted his family and his life. The theme of dreams plays a big part in this book because the author references his dreams throughout the story. I liked how at the end of the book, the author explained how he got his name and what he uncovered about his uncle.
To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at:
https://www.momsdonthavetimetoreadboo...
I love how the author talked about how his life intersected with Nigerian history and how the current Nigerian political climate is still impacted. I learned a lot about Nigerian history in this book, and it gave me a view into some of the conflicts that have touched and impacted his family and his life. The theme of dreams plays a big part in this book because the author references his dreams throughout the story. I liked how at the end of the book, the author explained how he got his name and what he uncovered about his uncle.
To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at:
https://www.momsdonthavetimetoreadboo...
June 22, 2023
4.5
A stellar performance from Emmanuel Iduma. This book follows the story of an uncle who disappeared during the Biafran War that raged in Nigeria between 1967-70. For all its poking at the canvas of grueling history, the book is personal--filled with grief, longing and hope.
Read my full review here: https://www.afrocritik.com/emmanuel-i...
A stellar performance from Emmanuel Iduma. This book follows the story of an uncle who disappeared during the Biafran War that raged in Nigeria between 1967-70. For all its poking at the canvas of grueling history, the book is personal--filled with grief, longing and hope.
Read my full review here: https://www.afrocritik.com/emmanuel-i...
July 23, 2023
I like the approach adopted by Emmanuel Iduma in ‘I am Still with You.’ He weaves through different stories in different tones to keep the reader moving on. His look back into his uncle’s involvement in the Nigerian Civil War unearths new information that I didn’t know of.
There are places where I judiciously skipped through but the book still makes for a great reading.
Emmanuel Iduma is a sensitive writer.
There are places where I judiciously skipped through but the book still makes for a great reading.
Emmanuel Iduma is a sensitive writer.
January 8, 2024
This is one hell of a remarkable book...very personal, heartbreaking...yet heart-warming...
Emmanuel Iduma is a very prolific writer...and a very good one...he tells this memoir with in-depth emotions that only he can tell...
If you want to read a seriously good book...and learn the history of a nation...both good and bad...this is your book...
Recommended!
November 6, 2023
Grief and trauma (and this book) are serpentine, fragmented, and impact you even if you have little memory of the events. Author explores death of his mother when he was little, loss of his uncle and Biafra war before he was born, and the more recent death of his father.
March 24, 2024
I read this book because I am fascinated with the Biafra Civil War. However, I found this book to be slow and halting. Iduma never learns too much about his lost brother or even the remaining Biafra resistance, and neither do we.
March 14, 2023
History is sure to raise as many questions as it answers. The journey back in time holds the value.
June 12, 2023
Interesting look back and now.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 20, 2022
In "I Am Still with You", Emmanuel Iduma has crafted a compelling blend of personal family history with the broader history and politics of Nigeria. He provides a thoughtful and emotional look into the ongoing effects of the Civil War both on those who experienced it and the next generations.
His story was well-written and well paced, balancing his experiences upon his return to Nigeria and reflections on past. I would recommend it for anyone wanting to learn about this period of Nigerian history or looking for a compelling memoir.
His story was well-written and well paced, balancing his experiences upon his return to Nigeria and reflections on past. I would recommend it for anyone wanting to learn about this period of Nigerian history or looking for a compelling memoir.
Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews