Stephanie Ghoston Paul’s Post

Hey LinkedIn Fam! Did you miss my first intro post? Here’s your chance to catch it again :D My name is Stephanie Ghoston Paul (she/her) and I am a coach, consultant, facilitator, author, podcast host, boundaries champion, recovering lawyer, and Living Ancestor. My work in the world is all about identity, purpose, re-membering and coming home to our individual and collective selves. As part of that work, I envision a radically transformed world where ALL Black folx can embody their full humanity and thrive as their freest selves. When Black folx are free, we all will be free (shoutout to the Combahee River Collective). It’s been a long journey to see myself as central to my work. I strive to practice what I preach and bring all aspects of myself to the work at hand, when it feels safe to do so. If you’re new around here, you can expect to see a lot of boundaries discourse, respectfully disrespectful growth and transformation messaging, and invitations to individual and communal healing experiences, sprinkled with made-up words, a bit of cussing, a smattering of the woo-woo, and a lot of love. I'm going to be off of my social platforms for the next few months as I tend to some family needs, but I would love to see you at either (or both!) of the offerings I have coming up soon! Some upcoming offerings that I’m excited to share are: >> The Alchemy of Facilitation Immersion HYBRID Offering, September 12-14 in Winston-Salem, NC - https://lnkd.in/gut723Zz >> A Space for Us Eight-Week Series ****focused on how to lead Black, Indigenous, and People of Color/People of the Global Majority Affinity Groups starting September 18! - https://lnkd.in/ghMB3M4d Learn more about both at the links above. More to come! I’d love to know why you’re following me - let me know in the comments below. 👇🏾 (finger pointing down emoji)

It’s that time again! We’re on to another round of this incredibly special offering! The first cohort was life-changing. We laughed, cried, learned, and challenged one another, all while building community. So we're running it back and the application is now open! This series is for any BIPOC or PGM person who has an interest in participating in and facilitating affinity groups. This series is for those of you working and organizing in communities and institutions to dismantle racism and oppression. This series is for those of you working within the realm of social justice. This series is for any BIPOC or PGM person who wants to dive deep, build community, and learn invaluable facilitation skills. In this virtual series, we will: >> Build relationships with each other as Black, Indigenous, and People of Color. >> Share a framework to deepen your understanding of the racial hierarchy and how it has impacted Black, Indigenous, and People of Color differently. >> Define and share common manifestations of internalized racial oppression and how it impacts BIPOC affinity group dynamics. >> Define anti-Blackness and develop skills to interrupt and address it. >> Share rituals, practices, and sample agendas for affinity groups. >> Practice and build new facilitation skills to support you in leading BIPOC affinity groups. Learn more and register at https://lnkd.in/ghMB3M4d! We can’t wait to see you there! ID in comments.

What’s up friends!? You might know that I’ve been taking a few months off to be in baby bliss as my family expands. I’d never leave you without a dope beat to step to (shouts to Timbaland and Aaliyah!). This would be a great time to join me and the crew over at Patreon. There’s a LOT of content over there, and most of it you haven’t seen because I haven’t shared it anywhere else. Subscribing at any tier will support me as I take this family time, and it feels good to take a break from tying content creation to dollas. I know I deserve financial support even when I am not producing a damn thing #fuckcapitalism. If coins are not in abundance for you, all good. You have a whole archive of my podcast called Take Nothing When I Die - two seasons worth! Listens, downloads, subscriptions and reviews are great and free.99 And I guarantee you’ll learn something. You might even have yourself a hearty chuckle. Join us at www.patreon.com/TNWID ID in comments.

“Only you have the authority…to sign your own permission slip.” Always looking over your shoulder, looking for the right time, putting off your dreams until "someday", and waiting for your parents/partner's/kid's/boss' approval is exhausting. Trust me, I’ve been there. Constantly feeling like I need to be “realistic,” like I need someone's validation to confirm that I’m on the right path, like I need permission to say yes to my dreams. What if instead of all that, we just start where we are. Right now. With what we have. And only relying on us to give ourselves permission. Permission helps us fully see where we already are or could be living our dreams. You alone have the authority to sign that slip! ID in comments.

When I say this is the Dream Team…I really mean that! It is most people’s dream to work with brilliant, compassionate, generous and embodied human beings who care about the same things you do. That has been this team for me. The way we hold, affirm, challenge, and love on one another is unmatched. AND we still haven’t all been together in one space…September will change all of that! The Alchemy of Facilitation Immersion will provide an opportunity for us to come together, build community, lean into our shared humanity, contemplate how to deepen our facilitation skills, and be emergent in the transformative work and practice we offer the world. The immersion will take place at [18 Springs Healing and Community Center](https://lnkd.in/gksvDVcG) in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. There’s also an option to join us via Zoom! Visit the link in my bio to learn all about what we’ll be covering in our time together and to register! We can’t wait to see you there. ID in comments.

I once heard Dr. Ayanna Abrams (@dr_ayanna_a) say, “Boundaries are where you end and where I begin”. That means that boundaries help determine the work I am called to do in this lifetime, on this planet, at this time. Boundaries help me not be worried about or overwhelmed by that which is none of my business. Boundaries help me stay in my lane as a living ancestor. They outline how I go about addressing what I’ve inherited from my ancestors (the good, bad and everything in between) as well as who I need to be for future generations. Boundaries shape my ministry and calling, allowing me to maximize my impact by doing what only I can do, for as many people, and for as long as possible. Boundaries also help me be satisfied with my contribution—while it may feel like there’s no end to the work, there is a limit to what I can do. As you can see, boundaries are essential to my embodiment of being a living ancestor. They shape my lifelong practice of being a steward of liberation for future generations. I am so grateful to have cultivated such a strong practice of boundaries, and for how they support my purpose of being a living ancestor, and they can do the same for you. ID in comments.

𝘼𝙨𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙖 𝙛𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙....𝙢𝙚: 𝗔 𝗻𝗲𝘄 𝘀𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗜 𝘄𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘀𝗱𝗼𝗺 𝗮𝗱𝗱𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗹𝗹, 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗶𝘁’𝘀 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝘀𝗵𝗶𝘁 𝗜 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿. 𝗪𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗽𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗿𝘂𝗻 𝗶𝗳 𝗜 𝘀𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘃𝘂𝗹𝗻𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗯𝗹𝘆 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗺𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗺𝘆 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲? 𝗨𝗺…𝗻𝗼. 𝗡𝗼𝘁 𝗼𝗻𝗹𝘆 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝘆, 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂’𝗿𝗲 𝗮 𝗵𝘂𝗺𝗮𝗻 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺. 𝗦𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘃𝘂𝗹𝗻𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗯𝗹𝘆 𝗺𝗮𝘆 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻 𝗴𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗹𝗸𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘀𝗽𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗺𝗶𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝗱𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗮𝗺𝗲. 𝗦𝗼, 𝗱𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗰𝗮𝗿𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴! 𝗦𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁’𝘀 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗼𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗱 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝘁𝘆. 𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝘄𝗮𝘁𝗰𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗺𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗰 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘂𝗻𝗳𝗼𝗹𝗱𝘀. Awhile ago I sat down to write my newsletter and I had no clue what to say, but I knew I was tired of “teaching.” You know, always being on, having to say something profound, with several neat takeaways ready for immediate practice? So instead of doing my usual, I wrote about…myself (WHOA, plot twist!). I let my audience know what I was going through, what I was learning, and how I had some recent rejections and disappointments that really impacted me. It’s interesting - some of what I crave the most, like connection and community, can only be fostered through authentically sharing oneself. I’ve noticed myself bypassing that truth, rather than doubling down on it. I’m continuing to practice sharing vulnerably. I want to be seen in my work. And that seeing starts with me being open to being seen (imagine that!). Let me know if any of this resonates with you! 👇🏾 (finger pointing down emoji)

Imagine what could shift in our world if we started thinking PROACTIVELY instead of REACTIVELY about conflict within relationships. Think about how you can develop containers in your workspaces and communities that foster trust deep relationships prior to conflict so that when hard moments arise, you already have what you need to hold them! What are some other instances that could benefit from a proactive container? Let us know below! 👇🏾 (finger pointing down emoji) ID in comments.

The spaces we create as facilitators can mirror the liberated and thriving world we are seeking to build. We don’t have to wait for the world to change to live into this vision NOW. Given the social, political, and cultural context, as facilitators, many of us hold the responsibility of attending to the collective distress that people are experiencing at this time. In addition to distress, as we are facilitating within communities and organizations, we are also tasked with generating hope and supporting a transformative process with the goal of dreaming our way into a future where we can all thrive. The task of holding distress and the practice of dreaming our way forward feels like a dynamic tension. This is precisely why we want to come together to offer a deeper dive into how we, as facilitators, can hold this dynamic tension while attending to our self-care and staying grounded. The Alchemy of Facilitation will provide an opportunity for you to explore the following themes: • How to speak to the truth of what is occurring socially, politically, and culturally within the spaces you hold and groups you facilitate. • How to be transparent as you facilitate and change course when needed. • How to balance structure and spaciousness as a facilitator. • How to attend to yourself and develop a consistent practice of care pre, during, and post facilitation. • How to be accountable to yourself and others through a practice of self-care. • How to vision a sustainable way to facilitate and engage in change work for the long haul • …and more! We will be facilitating with those who can join us in person and provide the option for folks to join us on Zoom to be part of the immersion as well! Because we are fostering a strong community of practice, we expect participants to make every effort to be present for and contribute to the live group dynamics. The Alchemy of Facilitation Immersion will provide an opportunity for us to come together, build community, lean into our shared humanity, contemplate how to deepen our facilitation skills, and be emergent in the transformative work and practice we offer the world. Our spaces serve as a practice ground centered in loving accountability where we can co-create the future we wish to see as a current reality. We believe this is essential to self care and sustainability as facilitators and we hope to see you there! https://lnkd.in/gpC2GV4K ID in comments.

𝙈𝘼𝙔 𝘽𝙊𝙐𝙉𝘿𝘼𝙍𝙄𝙀𝙎 𝙏𝙊 𝙋𝙍𝘼𝘾𝙏𝙄𝘾𝙀 𝙄𝙉 𝘾𝙊𝙈𝙈𝙐𝙉𝙄𝙏𝙔, 𝙁𝙊𝙍 𝙎𝙀𝙇𝙁 𝘼𝙉𝘿 𝘼𝙏 𝙒𝙊𝙍𝙆: 𝗕𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗽𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝘁𝘆: Announce your needs so that those waiting to help you can. There are people who have just the medicine, support, or resources you need. They need your consent and you need to make a request. 𝗕𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗽𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳: Address the person who violates your boundaries the most - YOU. We often go past our limits way before we give others an opportunity to violate our boundaries. Look at how you’ve contributed to your own suffering before pointing the finger outward. 𝗕𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗽𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸: Use what you have. Every organization has a set of tools, a previous survey/assessment, and workshop materials that have gone to Google Drive hell to die. You already have some useful data waiting to be implemented - get to it. Why these boundaries? How do they help you reclaim your power? How do they support you? Most of us don’t get the help we want or the community we desire because we don’t ask. I’m not victim blaming here - there are lots of structural and cultural reasons why we can’t consistently get our needs and desires met. AND, we can exercise personal responsibility around claiming what we want and need, and then asking for that (even if we can’t always receive it). AND, we can get out of our own way. AND, we have everything we need, actually. These boundaries help remind you of that. Looking for what’s within your control is a reminder of your personal power in the face of all the bullshit. Trust me, there’s lots of work to be done in our personal spheres - let’s get to it! Learn how you can work with me at www.stephanieghoston.com!