Talk:Patrick Agyemang/GA1: Difference between revisions

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Harper J. Cole (talk · contribs) 12:05, 15 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]

I'll take on this review, as part of the July 2021 Backlog Drive.--Harper J. Cole (talk) 12:05, 15 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

[is a former professional footballer] "...is a Ghanaian former professional footballer..."

[He was loaned out for a second time in January 2012, this time joining Stevenage on loan until the end of the 2011–12 season.] You don't need to say "on loan", having established it was a loan deal earlier in the sentence

[although briefly played for Baffins Milton Rovers and Cray Valley Paper Mills in non-League] --> "although he briefly played for non-League Baffins Milton Rovers and Cray Valley Paper Mills"

Gillingham

[two weeks later – scoring the only goal] Comma instead of a hyphen here.

Preston North End

Wikilink Lancashire

[both of Preston's play-off games – with Preston losing by] Comma instead of hyphen.

[with Preston narrowly missing out on the play-offs positions by a point] No need for "narrowly" as you say they missed out by a point, conveying the same meaning.

Queens Park Rangers

[After struggling for first-team appearances at QPR] Repetition from the previous sentence.

[He returned to the QPR team] --> "He returned to QPR"

Stevenage

[in August 20212] Typo in year.

Portsmouth

[as they ended a run of 23-games without a win] No hyphen here; "a 23-game run" would use the hyphen, as it would come before a noun.

International career

[Despite impressing in the friendly,] The cited source doesn't seem to say that he impressed - it does note his height as a possible positive.

Summary

Just a few minor issues to look at. There isn't much about this player online, and you've done good work on the article. I'll await your response to the above.--Harper J. Cole (talk) 20:45, 15 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Hi @Harper J. Cole:. Thanks for taking the time out to review the article. I have made all of the suggested changes. You're correct about the cited source re: friendly, so I have added a line about Agyemang's physical presence in the match instead. SBFCEdit (talk) 21:59, 15 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Looking good! I'll promote to GA status. Thanks for the interesting read,--Harper J. Cole (talk) 23:05, 15 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Revision as of 21:59, 15 July 2021 edit SBFCEdit (talk \| contribs) Extended confirmed users 21,492 edits No edit summary ← Previous edit		Latest revision as of 23:05, 15 July 2021 edit undo Harper J. Cole (talk \| contribs) Extended confirmed users 12,524 edits →Summary
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	::Hi {{replyto\|Harper J. Cole}}. Thanks for taking the time out to review the article. I have made all of the suggested changes. You're correct about the cited source re: friendly, so I have added a line about Agyemang's physical presence in the match instead. [[User:SBFCEdit\|SBFCEdit]] ([[User talk:SBFCEdit\|talk]]) 21:59, 15 July 2021 (UTC)		::Hi {{replyto\|Harper J. Cole}}. Thanks for taking the time out to review the article. I have made all of the suggested changes. You're correct about the cited source re: friendly, so I have added a line about Agyemang's physical presence in the match instead. [[User:SBFCEdit\|SBFCEdit]] ([[User talk:SBFCEdit\|talk]]) 21:59, 15 July 2021 (UTC)

			:::Looking good! I'll promote to GA status. Thanks for the interesting read,--[[User:Harper J. Cole\|Harper J. Cole]] ([[User talk:Harper J. Cole\|talk]]) 23:05, 15 July 2021 (UTC)