Talk:Birth control in Africa
{{WikiProject banner shell}}
to this page and add the quality rating to that template instead of this project banner. See WP:PIQA for details.Africa C‑class | ||||||||||
|
{{WikiProject banner shell}}
to this page and add the quality rating to that template instead of this project banner. See WP:PIQA for details.Medicine: Reproductive C‑class Mid‑importance | |||||||||||||
|
Neutrality
There are some points in this article that don't seem to be completely neutral in tone. IN other words, it seems to imply that adequate birth control is not being used in Africa and this should be changed, rather than just relating the current state of what methods of birth control are being used in Africa. Also you use words such as "unfairly," which implies judgment, and there are other points that seem to call for policy action. I would suggest carefully reading back over the article to make sure it is presenting a neutral point of view.
I would also suggest possibly reorganizing the way that some of your information is structured within the article. For example, you mention maternal mortality in the prevalence section and then later in the public policy sections when you're talking about the MDG. I think that this and perhaps a few of your other concepts could be presented in a way that is more cohesive. i would suggest evaluating the information in your article critically to determine if it is organized in the clearest way possible.
Other than these two suggestions, I don't really have any other specific ways to improve this article. You have good sources. I like the statistics and the country-specific examples that you use. The section on cultural attitudes was very interesting. Overall the article is well written. Good job! Michellesynhorst (talk) 21:07, 5 April 2013 (UTC)
Thanks Michelle ! Its nice to have some new eyes on it! I definitely will reread this to see if I can reorganize some information so that the readability is easier. We discussed this in the last group and found that the current organization works best but I will look at it again. Also I will reword some sentences to maintain neutrality. Again thank you !
Peer review
Hey Asia!
First off, great job so far - such an interesting topic! I thought you did an excellent job at presenting a comprehensive view of the current state of birth control in Africa and really appreciated your inclusion of societal and cultural factors that propagate this issue. However, I think this article could benefit with the addition of more links to other pages - I noticed a few blue links, but I found myself wanting to click on certain words/topics that weren't highlighted. Including more of these could help other readers have a better understanding of the topic. I noticed a few minor grammatical errors that I edited. Also, the image you included was really interesting! Is there any way you could enlarge it within the article, though?
Like Michelle, I agree that some of the statements in this article come off as opinionated - if you're going to include such emotional statements, make sure to attribute them to a researcher or to quote them as from a specific source so that readers know that you're not just pushing your own view. Though many would agree that Africa needs better contraceptive access, it's more encyclopedic to frame such statements with statistical/analytical evidence. Also, I agree that this article could benefit from some restructuring - you have some really great information laid out, but sometimes it was a tad difficult to follow the train of thought. Here are some organizational suggestions I have to improve readability:
- For the Methods section, I think you should link to the main Birth control page so that readers can read about the different types of birth control (in case they're not sure was a IUD or other forms are).
- The Prevalence section included a lot of great statistics, but it also ventured into forces/factors that perpetuate the lack of contraception in Africa. Perhaps you could create another section (maybe called "Influencing factors" or something along those lines) that more clearly delineates the different societal, cultural, and religious factors that compound contraceptive use in Africa. For instance, you mention socioeconomic class and spousal discussion in the Prevalence section, and I'm sure you've encountered many other factors that contribute to this issue in your research that could be added to a new subsection.
- I really enjoyed the Public policy subsection, but I noticed throughout the article that you mentioned a bunch of different initiatives and perspectives aimed at improving this social issue. Perhaps this article could also benefit from the addition of an "Initiatives" or "Suggested solutions" section which would comprehensively and logically present such info. Also, I think it would be really interesting to include some information about NGOs and their initiatives in Africa that are tackling this issue, as well as the impact they're making.
Again, though, good job! I truly enjoyed reading your article, and I really hope my comments help. If you're confused or would like to talk further about my suggestions, feel free to ask! I'd be more than happy to discuss them with you. Good luck! Daniellam91 (talk) 02:38, 8 April 2013 (UTC)
Thanks Daniella. I like how you divided your comments by section. I've been trying to enlarge the image but its not working. Also I agree that maybe I should rename the titles to properly fit what I am describing. This was very helpful. I still have much work ahead of me, so I better get started. I definitely will attribute the opinionated comments to the researchers or just reword them all together. I think Ive put all the blue links I could that have a page existing, I will double check though.