Talk:Birth control in Africa
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This article was the subject of an educational assignment in Fall 2013. Further details were available on the "Education Program:Rice University/Poverty, Justice, Human Capabilities, Section 2 (Fall 2013)" page, which is now unavailable on the wiki. |
This article is or was the subject of a Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment. Further details are available on the course page. Student editor(s): Zakira seidu (article contribs). Peer reviewers: Viviansayavong, Victoriali2, Samone H.
Neutrality
There are some points in this article that don't seem to be completely neutral in tone. IN other words, it seems to imply that adequate birth control is not being used in Africa and this should be changed, rather than just relating the current state of what methods of birth control are being used in Africa. Also you use words such as "unfairly," which implies judgment, and there are other points that seem to call for policy action. I would suggest carefully reading back over the article to make sure it is presenting a neutral point of view.
I would also suggest possibly reorganizing the way that some of your information is structured within the article. For example, you mention maternal mortality in the prevalence section and then later in the public policy sections when you're talking about the MDG. I think that this and perhaps a few of your other concepts could be presented in a way that is more cohesive. i would suggest evaluating the information in your article critically to determine if it is organized in the clearest way possible.
Other than these two suggestions, I don't really have any other specific ways to improve this article. You have good sources. I like the statistics and the country-specific examples that you use. The section on cultural attitudes was very interesting. Overall the article is well written. Good job! Michellesynhorst (talk) 21:07, 5 April 2013 (UTC)
Thanks Michelle ! Its nice to have some new eyes on it! I definitely will reread this to see if I can reorganize some information so that the readability is easier. We discussed this in the last group and found that the current organization works best but I will look at it again. Also I will reword some sentences to maintain neutrality. Again thank you !
Peer review
Hey Asia!
First off, great job so far - such an interesting topic! I thought you did an excellent job at presenting a comprehensive view of the current state of birth control in Africa and really appreciated your inclusion of societal and cultural factors that propagate this issue. However, I think this article could benefit with the addition of more links to other pages - I noticed a few blue links, but I found myself wanting to click on certain words/topics that weren't highlighted. Including more of these could help other readers have a better understanding of the topic. I noticed a few minor grammatical errors that I edited. Also, the image you included was really interesting! Is there any way you could enlarge it within the article, though?
Like Michelle, I agree that some of the statements in this article come off as opinionated - if you're going to include such emotional statements, make sure to attribute them to a researcher or to quote them as from a specific source so that readers know that you're not just pushing your own view. Though many would agree that Africa needs better contraceptive access, it's more encyclopedic to frame such statements with statistical/analytical evidence. Also, I agree that this article could benefit from some restructuring - you have some really great information laid out, but sometimes it was a tad difficult to follow the train of thought. Here are some organizational suggestions I have to improve readability:
- For the Methods section, I think you should link to the main Birth control page so that readers can read about the different types of birth control (in case they're not sure was a IUD or other forms are).
- The Prevalence section included a lot of great statistics, but it also ventured into forces/factors that perpetuate the lack of contraception in Africa. Perhaps you could create another section (maybe called "Influencing factors" or something along those lines) that more clearly delineates the different societal, cultural, and religious factors that compound contraceptive use in Africa. For instance, you mention socioeconomic class and spousal discussion in the Prevalence section, and I'm sure you've encountered many other factors that contribute to this issue in your research that could be added to a new subsection.
- I really enjoyed the Public policy subsection, but I noticed throughout the article that you mentioned a bunch of different initiatives and perspectives aimed at improving this social issue. Perhaps this article could also benefit from the addition of an "Initiatives" or "Suggested solutions" section which would comprehensively and logically present such info. Also, I think it would be really interesting to include some information about NGOs and their initiatives in Africa that are tackling this issue, as well as the impact they're making.
Again, though, good job! I truly enjoyed reading your article, and I really hope my comments help. If you're confused or would like to talk further about my suggestions, feel free to ask! I'd be more than happy to discuss them with you. Good luck! Daniellam91 (talk) 02:38, 8 April 2013 (UTC)
Thanks Daniella. I like how you divided your comments by section. I've been trying to enlarge the image but its not working. Also I agree that maybe I should rename the titles to properly fit what I am describing. This was very helpful. I still have much work ahead of me, so I better get started. I definitely will attribute the opinionated comments to the researchers or just reword them all together. I think Ive put all the blue links I could that have a page existing, I will double check though.
"Methods" section incomplete.
The section titled "methods" made no mention of anal intercourse as an additional method of contraception in Africa. This is unfortunate considering the practice as it effects the choice to possibly reject other forms of contraception and, of course, the impact of anal intercourse on the transmission of disease. This is a glaring omission is light of much published scientic research on the subject. I suggest using data from the World Health Organization regarding the use of anal intercourse as contraception in Africa and it's effects on health in the region. — Preceding unsigned comment added by 71.191.143.44 (talk) 13:39, 18 July 2013 (UTC)
Revising this article
I am currently revising this article for a Poverty, Justice, and Human Capabilities class that I am taking at Rice University. I have added a lot of additional information, including a lot of statistics on maternal and child mortality rates and reasons why women do not use birth control or why it is not available. I am also planning to include data from studies that have been done on family planning issues in those countries. I have also edited the writing and tried to improve the organization. My sources will consist of scholarly articles and possibly newspaper articles. There will be a full list of the sources I have used in my preliminary research and more information about this project on my home page. Any feedback about this project would be appreciated. Thank you.Juliannadrew (talk) 05:10, 7 November 2013 (UTC)
Peer Review 1
Good job adding so many relevant statistics!
I think the “Economic” section of the article would benefit most from some more editing. The source used does not keep a neutral point of view, so it should be removed, or another source presenting a different argument should be added. I think this section’s comprehensiveness is not as high as it could be, so hopefully you can find more sources to add additional, pertinent information. There are a few more problems of neutrality in the article, specifically the introduction. By deleting words like “only” you can create neutrality because then you will be simply stating facts and not making comments on those facts. Finally, the map at the top is somewhat hard to read. I think this problem can be fixed by simply making the image bigger on the page.
Overall, I enjoyed the readability of your article and I thought you did a great job of reorganizing it. Alardenoit (talk) 05:52, 7 November 2013 (UTC)
Peer Review 2
I think you've made many strong and relevant additions to the article. The introductory section is much stronger now.
Overall, the article looks good, but could be proofread again and readability could be improved. Several sections are a bit jumpy so transitions could be made smoother. Some work could be done in making the 'Cultural Attitudes' section more cohesive and consistent. While you are comparing several countries and cultures, you could make it more explicit that that is what you are doing because it is a little confusing to the reader to have so many different perspectives all together.
Additionally, you could work on increasing the number of in-text citations you use. They really help the reader know where the information is coming from and let you use more types of information while still keeping the article neutral because the opinions or statements are given a more explicit source. It is helpful to the reader and they can make their own judgement about the source, seeing explicitly who it came from.
Great job!!
Cnicholson12 (talk) 15:56, 7 November 2013 (UTC)
- Hi, I really like the layout of the article. Everything flows really well together, and the transitions are nice. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Samone H (talk • contribs) 04:40, 8 March 2018 (UTC)
I noticed that you mentioned that 30% of all women use birth control, however the link you provided indicated that 30% of women in Ghana use contraceptive. Also it might be helpful to specify where the woman are from. Are you talking about globally or just in Africa.Zakira seidu (talk) 03:28, 15 March 2018 (UTC)
You mentioned something about how most the countries in Africa have not gone through the demographic transition. I also took notes about the increased fertility rates and how children are viewed as economic assert especially to those in the rural areas where farming is their occupation. This a great opportunity to talk about Ansley Coale's precondition for fertility declines.
Also, it seemed you were focusing more on condoms that the rest of the birth control options.
What I would like to contribute to the article is an update on the information provided especially the prevalence since most of the numbers were from 2013. Zakira seidu (talk) 03:37, 15 March 2018 (UTC)