“Are you in love with someone?”
“Why do you ask?”
“It’s just your writings…I figured you had someone to call your own.”
“But I don’t. And I don’t believe I ever will. Maybe that’s why I’m able to write about love.
So that I could close my eyes and have my soul feel it. Some may assume that to be able to write about an emotion so beautiful, you’d have to possess it.
To me, it’s pure imagination and the outcomes of my overthinking.
It’s a concoction made from late night drives and Spotify playlists. It’s what I see around me and what I wish to feel.
I’m in love with the idea of love and putting it into words maybe my only chance to truly experience it.”
International cat day.
To all of the cats, no matter what breed, stray or adopted ir rescued, this day is for the meows;
To Hol, Kit, Sia, Kell, Riel and Ace: I miss you all, not a day goes by without me thinking about the six of you 🥹;
To Dapo, Gray, Doro, Uno and other neighborhood cats: thank you for visiting our humble abode and for the companionship 🤗
I solemnly swear that I will do just one take on the boards and pass it with flying colors; aim high for the top, cause why not? Even though circumstances are hard (distractions and no place to live in the city yet), I will do everything and I will pass.
I am breaking down. I don’t know what to do. Can I do this? Can I? As I hold Hol’s collar and wishing that any of my cats would suddenly appear, I am reminded that I am alone. Alone, drowning in my thoughts. In my circumstances. All alone as the world closes in. Can I think of enough motivation and will to get through? I want to sleep. Just to stop the torrent of problems and thoughts.
Maybe in the darkness, I would feel my cats’ fur and would feel their purrs and maybe, I won’t be so alone.
I know I can do it. I know I can pass the upcoming board exams. I also know I can achieve the topnotcher spot when I really want to. But there’s still a part of me that overthinks and doubts myself. I have loads of people who believe in me. But what do I do when I don’t believe in myself sometimes? It’s hard when yourself is the enemy. I will do everything to pass, I’ll even become a machine if I have to, offer my blood, sweat and tears. I have to pass. I have to. I can and I will.
is it normal for your chest to physically hurt when thinking about old friends who you don’t talk to anymore for no reason other than slowly and silently growing apart?
Sometimes, I miss people that used to be in my life and feel the urge to reach out and tell them “hey I know we don’t talk anymore but I still fold my sweater the way you taught me to”. Not in a “I want you back in my life” way but more of a “my life has more colors now because of all the days we spent laughing together and I’m thankful for that”.
sunsets are beautiful, aren’t they?
Surreal that yesterday, there was a you and me,
Two people who made each other a safe place amongst the rubble,
We laughed on the way there, holding hands, letting our threads loop around each other, tangling it further,
Together, in a mess we made and it was a sight to behold.
Now, there are just two ghosts at the opposite ends of a burning bridge,
Holding a thread that connects us together,
You, holding a scissor, snipping, cutting the fragile thread,
You, letting it go, letting it burn,
Me, holding it, hoping, haunted by memories,
Me, heart crying, letting it soak the wood underneath
But the fire continues to lick my feet, charring them,
While you run away, with puddles of water protecting your footprints on the way out.
My stubborn heart, still holding the goddamn thread, hoping that you would stitch yours back to me,
Time heals all wounds, they said.
But why ours is still bleeding, sure it would leave a scar.
Where do we go from here?
Goodbyes and laments, should I prepare the eulogy?
Will I see you at the funeral, wearing black?
Our broken dreams and promises are surrounding us, translucent,
Forever, the word lost in the wind.
Me, walking up to you, gathering up the courage to say something to make you feel for the last time,
So, I can finally ask you,
Can we talk, at least in the meantime?