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The Newsroom (American TV series)

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The Newsroom (2012-) is an American drama television series created by Aaron Sorkin, airing on HBO, that chronicles the behind-the-scenes events at the fictional Atlantis Cable News (ACN) channel.

Season 1

We Just Decided To [1.01]

Will: Sharon, the NEA is a loser. Yeah, it accounts for a penny out of our paycheck, but he gets to hit you with it any time he wants. It doesn't cost money, it costs votes; it costs airtime, column inches. You know why people don't like liberals? Because they lose. If liberals are so fucking smart, how come they lose so goddamn always?
Sharon: Hey!
Will: [to Lewis] And with a straight face, you're gonna tell students that America's so star-spangled awesome, that we're the only ones in the world who have freedom? Canada has freedom, Japan has freedom, the UK, France, Italy, Germany, Spain, Australia, Belgium has freedom. [laughs] So 207 sovereign states in the world, like a hundred and eighty of them have freedom.
Moderator: Alright–
Will: And yeah, you, sorority girl. Just in case you accidentally wander into a voting booth one day, there's some things you should know, and one of them is, there's absolutely no evidence to support the statement that we're the greatest country in the world. We're 7th in literacy, 27th in math, 22nd in science, 49th in life expectancy, 178th in infant mortality, 3rd in median household income, number 4 in labor force, and number 4 in exports. We lead the world in only 3 categories: number of incarcerated citizens per capita, number of adults who believe angels are real, and defense spending, where we spend more than the next 26 countries combined. 25 of whom are allies. Now, none of this is the fault of a 20 year old college student. But you, nonetheless, are without a doubt a member of the worst period generation period ever period. So when you ask, "what makes us the greatest country in the world?" I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Yosemite? [Pause] We sure used to be. We stood up for what was right. We fought for moral reasons. We passed laws, struck down laws for moral reasons. We waged wars on poverty, not poor people. We sacrificed, we cared about our neighbors. We put our money where our mouths were. And we never beat our chest. We built great big things, made ungodly technological advances, explored the universe, cured diseases, and we cultivated the world's greatest artists and the world's greatest economy. We reached for the stars, acted like men. We aspired to intelligence, we didn't belittle it, it didn't make us feel inferior. We didn't identify ourselves by who we voted for in our last election. And we didn't... we didn't scare so easy. We were able to be all these things, and to do all these things, because we were informed. By great men, men who were revered. First step in solving any problem is recognizing there is one. America is not the greatest country in the world anymore. [Pause] Enough?
Will: Yeah, I get that there are moments, small moments, infrequent moments, where I'm not the easiest guy to work with, but who the hell is?
Charlie: I am.
Will: Well, it helps that you're drunk most of the time.
Charlie: It certainly does. Do me a favor–
Will: This is more than unprofessional, it's uncivilized. But more than that, it's unprofessional.
Charlie: Just do me a favor, okay?
Will: Sure.
Charlie: Try not to make a scene–
Will: [seeing Don] Hey, dickless! [Elliot looks at him] Not you. You're in a minute.
Don: [talking about Mac] She's crazy, you know.
Jim: I know.
Don: I've never seen anyone love being an American so much. And when you factor in she isn't an American, it's all very–
Jim: Yeah, she is American, actually. Her dad was Margaret Thatcher's Ambassador to the UN and she was born here.
Don: Yeah, and immediately locked in her room and shown Frank Capra movies until she was 21.
Mac: Who's our wardrobe supervisor?
Kendra: We don't have one.
Mac: Get one. Charcoal gray, navy blue, and black. Zenga, Armani, Hugo Boss.
Jake: He's not gonna look like an elite Northeastern prick?
Mac: He is. Let's make that sexy again.
Jake: Was it ever sexy?
Mac: Ask the Kennedy brothers.
Will: What does winning look like to you?
Mac: Reclaiming the fourth estate. Reclaiming journalism as an honorable profession. A nightly newscast that informs a debate worthy of a great nation. Civility, respect, and a return to what's important; the death of bitchiness; the death of gossip and voyeurism; speaking truth to stupid. No demographic sweet spot; a place where we all come together.

News Night 2.0 [1.02]

Mackenzie: What's the difference between a corporation and a person?
Sloan Sabbith: Have you ever held a door open for some one?
Mackenzie: Yes.
Sloan: Did you ask them for money first?
Mackenzie: No.
Sloan: That's the difference.
Will: They're very young out there.
Mac: I know. But what they lack in experience, they make up for in inexperience.
Will: Mac–
Mac: It's an asset. They don't know how to do the news badly yet.
Will: Or really at all.
Mackenzie: [Realizing she just sent a mass e-mail to the staff, with details of her infidelity during a relationship with Will] No... No, no... No, no, no, no, no, no I need everyone's attention, right now [Gary Cooper receives the e-mail on his Blackberry, which Mackenzie snatches from his hand, throws it on the floor, crushes it beneath her heel, and pours another employee's tea on it.]
Gary: That was unusual.
Mackenzie: [frantically] I need everyone to delete the staff e-mail, right now, without reading it. Then I need someone to sneak into Will's office and delete the e-mail from his inbox. If it's password protected, I need someone to, ummm, TAKE A BASEBALL BAT AND SMASH-- [Will enters with a blank expression on his face] I thought you said he was at a thing up town.
Jim: I guess he came back.
Will: We stood in my office this morning...
Mackenzie: Will...
Will: ...and I said under no circumstances did I want anyone to know what happened, and you said yes, and yes again. I mean it really, it really seemed like you understood. Then, you sent an e-mail, explaining in some detail, what happened and then you copied 47 reporters on it.
Mackenzie: Will...
Will: You know how sometimes something happens in an instant that's so astonishing you just... shut down?
Mackenzie: Of course, that's understa–
Will: THAT DOESN'T! FUCKING! HAPPEN! TO ME!
Mackenzie:: We need privacy.
Will: [Sarcastically] REALLY?!
Mackenzie: We're going to go into Will's office, I want everyone to delete the e-mail-
Martin: Mack, I think I just accidentally forwarded it to corporate.
Will: [Will angrily charges at Martin and is blocked by Mackenzie and Margaret] WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!
Mackenzie: [Frantically] I was trying to send an e-mail to you, but instead I sent to to Sloan and then 'Sloan' became 'Staff' and I either did or didn't type the asterisk.
Will: Why were you sending it at all?
Mackenzie: Because-... and here's where I'm on firmer ground. Sloan thought that you cheated on me and that you were an ass! [To the staff] Which is not true! I'm changing minds, Will!
Will: [Points angrily to his office] GET IN THERE!
Mackenzie: Sure.
Maggie: How come no one's yelling at me?
Jim: You know how bad you screwed up, right?
Maggie: Yes.
Jim: Is there anyone who feels worse than you do?
Maggie: No.
Jim: Then I doubt it'll ever happen again.
Jim: Hang on, all of you. I'm your senior producer. Fuck up again like this, I'm gonna get mad. That's it.

The 112th Congress [1.03]

Mac: You're going on a date with a cheerleader?
Will: Not a high school cheerleader, a professional cheerleader.
Mac: That doesn't make it better!
Will: Can I help you?
Mac: She's a student!
Will: A graduate student.
Mac: In philosophy?
Will: Physical therapy.
Mac: There are better ways to get back at me.
Will: I'll put up a suggestion box.
Mac: Can I warn you about something? You're a rich and famous person, and for that reason only, she may want to sleep with you.
Will: That didn't sound like something that should come with a warning, that sounded like something that should come with balloons.
Mac: ... I loathe you right now.
Mackenzie: [After meeting Will's second date for the first time] Spinning instructor?
Will: Chief of neurology at Presbyterian Hospital, that would make her a brain surgeon, literally a brain surgeon.
Mackenzie: [Pauses] That's not hard to be.
Charlie Skinner: Does anyone mind if I start drinking a lot of bourbon right now and a little later, put my fist through his head?
Reese Lansing: I think you've had enough bourbon for one lifetime!
Charlie Skinner: Not for my lifetime.
Brad: Ms. Lansing, I think the best analogy I can use is Rocky II.
Reese Lansing: [Incredulously] Are you sure the best analogy you can use is Rocky II?
Brad: Ms. Lansing, Rocky was a lefty-
Reese Lansing: Rocky was... Political?
Brad: Rocky was left-handed and for his re-match with Apollo Creed, Burgess Meredith had him train as a righty. Rocky goes round after round with Apollo Creed as a righty until Burgess Meredith souths 'Now' and Rocky swings with his left.
Reese Lansing: [Frustrated, confused] What the fuck are you talking about?
Brad: Ms. Lansing, all I'm saying is that Mackenzie MacHale shouted 'Now' and Will started swinging away.
Charlie Skinner: [Laughingly] Reese! Please, leave Mackenzie out of this, I'm Burgess Meredith I shouted 'Now' [drunkenly slurs an imitation of 'Mickey' from Rocky II] This guy, he don't just wanna beat-cha, he wants to murder ya! [Normal tone] That was my best Burgess Meredith impression.
Reese Lansing: [Angrily] Is there something funny about all this?
Charlie Skinner: Yeah! We've been talking about Rocky II!
Charlie Skinner: We did the news.
Leona Lansing: For the left.
Charlie Skinner: For the center.
Leona Lansing: Are you fucking out of your mind–?!
Charlie Skinner: For the center, Leona! Facts... are the center. Facts. We don't pretend that certain facts are in dispute to give the appearance of fairness to people who don't believe them. Balance is irrelevant to me. It has nothing to do with the truth, logic, or reality. He didn't go on the air telling people to give peace a chance, but evolution? The jury's back on that one.

I'll Try To Fix You [1.04]

Neal: Pandas were thought to be a myth until 1869. Gorillas were thought to be a myth until 1902. The giant squid was thought to be a myth until 2004.
Maggie: What's up?
Neal: Maggie! listen to me, apex predators species at the top of the food chain have the smallest numbers and move in the tiniest packs...
Maggie: Is this big-foot?
Neal: Species diversity is greatest in the rainforest. Now–
Maggie: Stop! Just don't even– Stop. [looks at Jim] What are you doing?
Jim: Trying to work.
Maggie: Do you see there's a party happening around you?
Jim: I'm okay.
Maggie: Sometimes it's hard to tell whose the biggest nerd in the office is.
Neal: Could there be an apex predator primate–
Maggie: Not today, though.
Nina: Now you seem lonely and broken to me.
Will: I do?
Nina: But don't worry I can fix you.
Will: Well, if there's one thing a man likes it's a woman who tries to fix him.
Mac: Back in 15 seconds Will, try not to date anyone before you're on the air.
Will: Copy, Mac, try not to sleep with your ex-boyfriend while I am.
Mac: [to self] He got the better of that exchange.
Reese: Every second you're not current a thousand people are changing the channel to the guy who is. That's the business you're in. MSNBC, FOX and CNN all say she's dead. Don, tell him. Don!
Don: It's a person. A doctor pronounces her dead, not the news.
Will: Mac, get in here with Charlie right now.
Mac: Is everything-
Will: Right now! [points to Charlie as he enters] You tell Leona that if she wants me out of this chair, she better bring more than just a couple of guys.
Charlie: That's exactly what I'll fucking tell her.
Will: I'm not fucking around, Charlie!
Charlie: Feet of fucking steel.
Will: Mac-
Mac: I'm sorry.
Will: It's not your fault.
Mac: I fucked everything up!
Will: It's gonna be all right.
Don: [entering the room] What the fuck is going on?!
Will: You're a fucking newsman, Don! I ever tell you otherwise, you punch me in the face!!!
Don: Okay, but you're back in 30.

Amen [1.05]

Maggie: I'm about to have my Broadcast News moment. There are at least nine things between here and the control room I can trip over.
Jim: It's 2011. We don't move film manually anymore.
Corey: You're gonna have to move this manually.
Maggie: Happy Valentine's Day.
Jim: Oh, wow. I didn't realize it was Valentine's Day. And that people in the office gave-
Maggie: No, Valentine's Day is Monday, not today, and these aren't for you, they're from you.
Jim: I am more confused than I was before.
Maggie: Don planned a beautiful night for us on Monday.
Jim: You and me?
Maggie: Yes. Don planned a romantic evening for you and me. Me and HIM.
Jim: That makes more sense.
Maggie: And I don't want it to be ruined by Lisa, who will ruin it if she doesn't have a romantic Valentine's day. Last year her boyfriend forgot it was Valentine's Day and went to a Rangers game with his friends. She got drunk, made us watch "Overboard," and reviewed every bad Valentine's Day she's ever had, which was all of them. Not this year. You're gonna be like St. Valentine himself.
Jim: St. Valentine actually–
Maggie: Focus, nerd. Don got us a room at the Four Seasons.
Jim: Me and...
Maggie: Nope, still him and me. The Four Seasons. The bath fills up in less than 60 seconds. And I don't want Lisa showing up with a copy of "The Notebook" saying, "Where's the minibar?"
Jim: Yeah, I can't hang out with Lisa on Valentine's Day. That's making a pretty strong statement.
Maggie: Don't screw with me on this, James Tiberius Harper.
Jim: That's not my middle name. You're thinking of Captain James Tiberius Kirk–
Maggie: Do not screw me on this, Jim.
Jim: We're not in a relationship. She calls me at night after work. We talk for a minute and then she says, "Should I come over?" And what am I supposed to say?
Gary: You say yes.
Jim: I say yes.
Maggie: If you're dating someone on February 14th, you take them out on February 14th.
Jim: What's February 14th? [Maggie is annoyed] Valentine's Day...
Maggie: Yes.
Maggie: You can't have sex in a bathtub-
Tess: Yes, you can... You just have to-
Maggie: [sing-songy] THANK YOU-
Jim: I wanted to hear mor-
Maggie: Shut up!
Nina: Hey, Will... we're journalists.
Will: [stops writing a bribery check to her] I wish you hadn't said that.
Nina: What?
Will: Everything would have been cool if you hadn't said that. You just talk too much.
Nina: You have a problem with me calling myself a journalist? Only the elite few who cover stories nobody cares about get to call themselves–
Will: I've got a guy on my staff who got hit in the head with a glass door Thursday. His forehead wouldn't stop bleeding, but he wouldn't go to a doctor 'cause I got another guy who got beat up covering Cairo. And the first guy wouldn't see a doctor until the second guy saw a doctor. I've got a producer who ran into a locked door 'cause he felt responsible for the second guy. I've got an 18-year-old kid risking his life halfway around the world and the AP who sent him there hasn't slept in three days. I've got 20-somethings who care about teachers in Wisconsin. I've got a grown woman who has to subtract with her fingers staying up all night trying to learn economics from a PhD who could be making 20 times the money three miles downtown. They're journalists.
Maggie: It's just a very bad day.
Lisa: It's Valentine's Day. It's my favorite day.
Maggie: Then pick another day! Because it's every guy's least favorite day. Everyone's always disappointed. Valentine's Day is the bully of holidays. It forces love on people who aren't in love. Cupid's freakish.
Jim: All right.
Maggie: No, I'm boycotting Valentine's Day from now on. Who's with me?!
Don: [holding flowers for Maggie hands them to a random guy] I love you every day. Today's just an excuse to spend a night in a hotel room.

Bullies [1.06]

Jack Habib: Any extra stress at work?
Will: Extra stress?
Jack Habib: Yeah.
Will: No.
Jack Habib: No extra stress?
Will: No.
Jack Habib: One more question.
Will: Sure.
Jack Habib: What are you fucking around with me for?
Will: I'm sorry?
Jack Habib: What are you fucking around with me for? I just asked you if there's any extra stress at work–
Will: There isn't. There isn't.
Jack Habib: What about the death threat?
Neal: We can do it if you want.
Will: Oh, I want.
Mac: Won't the results be that nobody posts comments on our website anymore?
Will: First of all, oh, no. What will we do without feedback from SurrenderDorothee? And second, the result will be our website will ghettoize every other website. The result will be civility in the public square and a triumph of populism. I'm going to single-handedly fix the Internet.
Neal: What could possibly go wrong?
[debating the construction of an Islamic community center near Ground Zero]
Will: Miss Greer, you mentioned creeping Islam, are you concerned about creeping Christianity?
Phylis Greer: [laughing] Only that it's not creeping fast enough.
Will: Okay. Here are some things done on American soil in the name of Christianity. The Ku Klux Klan burned down black churches, raped women, murdered civil rights workers, murdered children and terrorized communities for over a century. The neo nazis all acted and continue to act in the name of white christian supremacy. The army of god fatally attacks abortion clinics and doctors across the country. The covenant, the sword and the arm of the lord targets local police and federal agents. The federal building in Oklahoma City. The attempted assassination of Ronald Reagan and the successful assassinations of Martin Luther King, John F. Kennedy, John Lennon, and Abraham Lincoln, all perpetrated by Christians. Miss Greer, we weren't attacked by Muslims, we were attacked by sociopaths, and I for one would join you in protesting a community center for the criminally insane, but no one is suggesting building one.
Will: Who else's body have you guarded?
Lonny: We don't talk about that.
Will: Okay.
Lonny: Kanye. It was awesome.
Sloan: [after completely messing up on air] Okay...
Don: 'Sup?
Sloan: Okay, I know we were on sketchy ground ethically and linguistically, but-
Don: Whatever you're gonna say, save it for another 10 seconds.
Sloan: What happens in 10 seconds?
Don: Just hang on for another 5 seconds and know that we've all been there at one point or another.
Sloan: What happens in 5 seconds?
Charlie: [storms in] What in the name of holy fuck were you thinking about?!

5/1 [1.07]

Will: [holding a bag of pot cookies] Just to be clear for you youngsters, this isn't recreational. It's medicinal. When I was a junior in high school, I was already throwing a 74-mile-an-hour fastball, which puts a lot of stress on your landing leg. I also have epicondylitis in my elbow due to my mess-you-up breaking ball.
Kaylee: You know, if you just want to bake, that's okay with me. You don't need to go to WebMD to come up with symptoms.
Will: I don't want to bake. I'm telling you I was an awesome high school athlete, but it's left me in constant physical pain in my knee and elbow. And experts say that medical marijuana relieves the pain and inflammation with fewer side effects than prescription pain killers.
Kaylee: Which experts?
Will: The ones on WebMD. Anyway, thank you and thank your friend in LA for getting this for me.
Kaylee: No problem. He said they're pretty strong. So you should just break off a quarter and eat that.
Neal: And when this guy says they're strong, they're strong.
Will: I ate two.
Kaylee: Okay. Well, enjoy yourself and we'll see you in 12 to 14 hours.
Will: It's fine. I have incredibly high tolerance. That's why I can't feel the Vicodin.
Neal: You took Vicodin and then ate two cookies?
Sloan: Hey, don't turn on your phones yet. We haven't touched the ground.
Don: I turned mine on at 500 feet.
Elliot: I turn mine on when I see someone else turn theirs on.
Sloan: It messes with the navigation.
Don: The runway is right in front of him. Do you use your car's navigation system to get from your driveway to your garage?
Don: Yeah, get the captain, 'cause I'd like to have a word with him. The seat belt while we're standing still is one thing, but how paranoid do you have to be to think that I'm declaring myself in charge of the-
Pilot: Is there a problem, sir?
Don: Yeah, I was asking how paranoid you have to- you have to be-
Pilot: Sir?
Don: [looking at the pilot and realizing the significance] Captain, my name is Don Keefer. That's Elliot Hirsch and that's Sloan Sabbith. We work for Atlantis Cable News. And we wanted you and your first officer and Flight Attendant Crazy Lady to be the first ones on this plane to know that our armed forces killed Osama bin Laden for you tonight.
Pilot: You're serious?
Don: Yes, sir.
Charlie: I need to tell you that you're going to remember this night for the rest of your lives. It's going to be a long night and we need you to work fast and we need you to work well. But once in a while, take three seconds- you can't spare more than that- take three seconds to notice where you are and what you're doing. Will's gonna go on the air in a few minutes so that we can report that at the order of the President of the United States, US Special Forces have shot and killed Osama bin Laden.
Will: Good evening. From New York City, I'm Will McAvoy. ACN is now able to report and confirm that for the first time in almost three decades, the world has no reason to fear Osama bin Laden. In just a moment, in a live address to the nation, the president will announce that in a coordinated operation under the cover of darkness, US Special Forces tonight killed the leader of al-Qaeda and the mastermind behind the deadly attack of September 11th, 2001. It's been nine years, seven months, and 20 days since America's most wanted criminal took from us 2,977 American sons and daughters, fathers and mothers, friends and colleagues. We were transformed that morning into a different nation, more fearful and so, of course, more hostile. And while nothing, not even this victory our country has waited for for such a long time, can bring back the souls lost on that terrible morning in New York City, in Virginia, in a field in Pennsylvania, and all across America and the world, let tonight serve as a welcome reminder that throughout our history, America's darkest days have always been followed by its finest hours. Here now, from the East Room of the White House, the President of the United States. [goes into the presidents address]

The Blackout Part 1: Tragedy Porn [1.08]

Brian: I'm asking why you reached out to me.
Will: Because, your recent complications notwithstanding, you cover the media better than anyone out there.
Brian: You haven't lost your touch for complimenting and insulting someone at the same time.
Will: Thank you. I appreciate it.
Sloan: Unless there's a rally—
Mac: I'm sorry, I've gotta—
Sloan: Listen.
Mac: Sloan...
Sloan: Unless there's a rally in the next 90 minutes, the Dow is gonna close down about 2.5%, S&P NASDAQ will close down 2.3. Let me tell you why.
Mac: I don't own a lot of stock...
Sloan: Let me tell you why.
Mac: [upset] I really can't deal with this right now—
Sloan: [raising her voice] Stop avoiding this! I just got off the phone with these guys. Listen to these quotes. These aren't from liberals. These are hardcore Wall Street guys who, whatever the world may think of them, know what they're talking about and so do I. Jamie Dimon at Chase says: "Voting against raising the debt ceiling would be a moral disaster." The Barclay's guys say "This debate is detached from reality." My Goldman source says: "If the House Republicans continue this debate, I hope they're willing to mark the end of the dollar as the Global Reserve Currency." Please notice that he didn't say: "If the House Republicans don't raise the debt ceiling." HE SAID: "If the House Republicans continue this debate." That's all it takes. Just the uncertainty. That's why the Dow is gonna close down 230 points today. Because just the debate. Just the doubt. Just the possibility that the House Majority might commit the greatest self-inflicted damage to [raising her voice] the country since the SECESSION OF THE SOUTH has caused billions in value to disappear."
Mac: Sloan, I understand. I swear to God I do. But you can't say the same thing in the C-block?
Sloan: Don't pretend that you don't know that most people watch 10 minutes of news. The first 10 minutes.
Mac: The vote isn't until tomorrow night and it's only the first vote and you said yourself it was cosmetic. Why do we have to feature it tonight?
Sloan: We should've been featuring it weeks ago. We should've been leading with it every night.
Mac: Why do we have to feature it tonight?
Sloan: To give time for the people to call their Congressman and say: "If you fuck with the full faith and credit of the US Treasury, you're fired!" To give time for the people to jam the phone lines of the District Offices, to give the people TIME to say: "I'm a fiscal conservative, and you've gotta put the pin back in the grenade right now." That's why.
Mac: I'm gonna do everything I can.
Sloan: [upset] Please do.
Mac: [to Sloan] Look, I'll do my best to find you the time you need for the story. We just need to hope there's no new piece of nonsense I have to jam into my 22 minutes of Short Attention Span Theater.
Jim: Anthony Weiner accidentally tweeted a picture of his groin to 40,000 followers. [Mac whimpers]
Maggie: [to Jim answering as Michelle Bachmann] Congresswoman Bachmann.
Jim: Yes?
Maggie: You've said that you were told to run for president by God.
Jim: Please, I don't–
Maggie: You have, right? You've said on a number of occasions that God told you to run for president. I have some clips if you'd like me to refresh your memory.
Jim: Nope, my memory is fresh.
Maggie: Here's my question.
Jim: Good.
Maggie: What does God's voice sound like? [everyone laughs] I'm completely serious. She's saying that God spoke directly to her. How is this not the first question asked in a debate? How's it not the only question? What does His voice sound like? What did He say exactly word for word? Did He speak in Hebrew? Acadian? Kiswahili-Bantu? And to put it in a medical context, is this the first time you've heard voices? She's claiming to be a prophet. The whole world is sitting on the edge of their seat. How is this not the first question we'll ask?
Jim: First of all, can you stop pointing at me and saying "she" and "her"?
Maggie: You're the one who wanted to play a woman. But tell me why that question is out of line.
Jim: Because it's not the best way to demonstrate seriousness of intent and it's not the best way not to insult people.
Maggie: Which people?
Martin: Christians. 83 percent of the country.
Maggie: I'm one of them. And she's insulting me!
Jim: Please, stop pointing at me when you are–
Maggie: Relax, J. Edgar. She's insulting me, she's insulting my family, she's insulting my congregation, and she's insulting my faith. She's implying that Christians are imbeciles who will believe anything while reducing God to a party hack who endorses political candidates. Now, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe this is the first time since Moses that God has given direct instructions to someone other than His son. But if so, I think it deserves a follow-up.
Jack Habib: You look like you're in pain.
Lonnie: He is.
Will: He said in pain, not a pain.
Lonnie: Oh, never mind, then.
Jack Habib: What is it?
Will: I'm doing all these things that are wrong because of ratings, and I'm making the staff do things that they don't want to do, I'm cursing them out, I'm ignoring incredibly important new stories, and I'm betraying the trust of people who respect me. And I did it all in the blink of an eye.
Jack Habib: That can be traumatic.
Will: No, I'm fine with all of that. Here's my thing. New York Magazine is gonna do a story on my show and I get to choose the writer. And I could have chosen anybody and I chose Mackenzie's ex-boyfriend.
Jack Habib: Of course. The one she cheated on you with?
Will: Yeah.
Jack Habib: Why?
Will: That's what I came here to ask you.
Jack Habib: You're holding your hand over the candle.
Will: What do you mean?
Jack Habib: You're holding your hand over the candle because you think the trick is not minding.
Will: Ah. So if I just get through this, I'll be fine.
Jack Habib: No.
Will: Why?
Jack Habib: Because the trick isn't not minding. The trick is forgiving Mackenzie.
Will: It would be easier to hold my hand over the candle.
Jack Habib: I know.
Will: Well, you've been no help at all, but thanks. Sorry to barge in.
Jack Habib: You know, while working you're way through this, you're hurting Mackenzie.
Will: I know that.

The Blackout Part II: Mock Debate [1.09]

Mac: A Miracle. A miracle happens. We become a team again. We all hate this, right?
Gary: We're gonna hate it more after 10 minutes of no air conditioning.
Mac: No, not the power outage. We hate what we're doing. We hate that we're covering Casey Anthony and Anthony Weiner. We hate that we have to do it to save the ratings. We hate that we have to bump important stories. And we're starting to be not very pleasant people to be around. Guys, this is real. I'm not making this up. Just a minute ago when I was prepping for a pretape with that idiot who's still sitting in the studio-
Sandy: Are you talking about me?
Mac: No! Yes. When when I was prepping for her pretape I said, "God, please show me a sign that I'm not doing a big thing badly." And right that second all the power went out. And so obviously I thought, "There's my answer."
Will: Raise your hand if Mac's freaking you the hell out right now. [He and Don raise their hand]
Mac: No, listen to me!
Will: Just tell us how we do the show if the power doesn't-
Mac: By being a team again. And that was God's plan.
Will: Keep God out of this and talk more about electricity.
Mac: What time does the sun set tonight?
Neal: 8:37.
Will: Why in the world would you know that?
Neal: One of those things.
Mac: Does anybody think we're not good enough to pull this off?
All: No!
Sandy: Should I still be sitting here?
Mac: I'm so sorry, Sandy. I know you had your heart set on entertaining us with private details of a man you were sexting with and maybe a "Playboy" spread, but we're not able to do pretape. So if you want to do the show, you're gonna have to do it live.
Sandy: I already committed to Fox, and no offense but it's a bigger audience.
Mac: Shoot! Does anybody think we can't do this?
ALL: No!
Mac: This is a blessing in disguise. I say the power going out is the best thing that ever happened to us. I say the power going out is what is gonna save this-
[The power goes back on suddenly]
Mac: -Son of a bitch!
Jim: You think they're kissing in there?
Maggie: Do you think they're kissing in there?
Jim: If I was a woman, I'd spend the whole day kissing other women. I don't understand gay men or straight women.
Maggie: You know you're talking out loud, right?
Tate: Don Keefer.
Don: Yeah?
Tate: How would you and Elliot Hirsch like to have on of the debates?
Don: Eat me.
Tate: Mr. Skinner, I'm trying to be as-
Charlie: When Don says, "Eat me," that's usually the end of the conversation.
Tate: Sloan Sabbith. You want to be a star?
Sloan: Me?
Tate: Yeah.
Sloan: Fuck you.
Tate: [To Adam] I hate these guys. I don't know why you don't.

The Greater Fool [1.10]

Sloan: An ACN poll released two days ago has 42 percent of Americans believing that when we raised the debt ceiling, it means borrowing more money.
Don: That's nothing new.
Don: I'm gonna ask her to move in with me.
Sloan: I see. First, let me say you made a very wise decision coming to me with this problem.
Don: It's not a problem.
Sloan: Well, let's see what I can do about that.
Don: How would you want to be asked?
Sloan: To move in with a guy?
Don: Yeah.
Sloan: By having the guy say "Will you marry me?"
Don: Okay, well, let's just take that off the table for the moment.
Sloan: You know, if you're living together, it makes it harder to break up.
Don: Well, that's the idea.
Sloan: You have to get cartons.
Don: You've been no help at all.
Sloan: Since I'm never going to see you again after Friday, I feel like I can tell you something.
Don: We'll see each other.
Sloan: Maybe not after I say what I'm going to say.
Don: And you're not leaving.
Sloan: I don't know who told you you're a bad guy, but somebody did, somebody along the way. Somebody or something convinced you of it because you think you're a bad guy, and you're just not. I'm socially inept, but even I know that. So because you're a bad guy you try to do things you think a good guy would do, like committing to someone you like but maybe don't love. A sweet, smart, wholesome Midwestern girl. I could be wrong. I almost always am.
Don: Why are you single?
Sloan: A lot of men are intimidated by my intelligence.
Don: No, seriously.
Sloan: Because you never asked me out. Caught you off-guard, didn't I?
Don: Yeah, you really did.
Mac: [after hearing about Maggie and Lisa] Do you want to end up like me and him?
Jim: No!
Mac: Wasting time? And now he's practically dead.
Will: I'm not practically dead.
Mac: Eat some Jell-O. You've got to do something before he asks her.
Jim: No.
Mac: Why not?
Jim: It doesn't seem like a very nice thing to do to Don or Maggie or Lisa.
Mac: So you're willing to end up like the two of us- a strong, beautiful, vital woman and a hollowed-out shell of a man?
Will: You know I'm awake now?
Mac: That's a dead person speaking, basically. And now I'm gonna have to spend the next God knows how many hours in mourning.
Maggie: [screaming at a Sex and the City tour bus] Hey! No, you didn't! I'm a typical single woman in New York City! I don't wear heels to work because the typical woman's job doesn't exclusively involve gallery openings. And I know Carrie must have made boatloads writing her 800-word column for a newspaper no one's ever heard of but I just spent my last seven dollars having a fight with my best friend who, by the way, is not available at 3:00 p.m. on a Wednesday to console me about some guy, because she, too, has a job. And mostly, when you fall for a guy and he's going out with your best friend, it doesn't work out. Things get really bad.
Will: Sorority girl!
Mac: [to girl] Don't be scared.
Will: You're the girl, right?
Jennifer: I'm Jennifer Johnson.
Will: Just graduated Northwestern?
Mac: Stay calm.
Jennifer: A year early.
Will: You asked me that moronic question and then my world came apart and she came here and I landed in the tabloids and I got death threats and my job is constantly in jeopardy and you ruined my life?
Mac: Again, just stay calm.
Jennifer: Yes, that was me.
Will: What the hell are you doing here?
Jennifer: I'm applying for an internship.
Will: Why?
Jennifer: I watch the show and I read the "New York Magazine" article and I know what a greater fool is. And I want to be one.
Will: "Camelot"- she's the kid at the end of "Camelot." Ask me again.
Jennifer: I'm sorry?
Will: Ask me your idiot question again.
Jennifer: What makes America the greatest country in the world?
Will: You do.

Cast

Wikipedia
Wikipedia
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